Our Adoption Journey

Big Announcement

January 23, 2007

I'm sorry my blogs have been a little on the "thin" side the last few days. There's been some major "rumblings" at our house, but we didn't feel comfortable posting until we were ready.

We are ready.We have decided to adopt a daughter from China!

Last night we signed the paperwork and paid our application fee to AMERICA WORLD. I'm sure you all have a ton of questions. We are intent on making this experience a learning experience not only for us but for all of you out there who follow our lives in person or only via this blog.We want you to feel that you can ask questions and share in this experience with us so feel free, at any point in this journey, to ask questions, not only to educate yourself, but to help educate others as well. I plan, sometime in the next few days or weeks, to post a blog answering some of the questions that have already been asked and any new ones you may post in the comments.

However, I did want to make sure that I told you all that we are continuing with infertility treatments. We are 100% committed to going back for each of our sticky babies.

Also, please feel free to leave comments at any point. This blog will be an "online journal" of our adoption process ... something our daughter will read someday in the future. So any comments you share now, even before her birth, will be comments she can read herself someday. Please pray that we meet all requirements for the program as we have just "applied" to get in. China has changed a lot of their regulations recently and we need to wait to hear back from the agency to determine if we qualify. We are very excited and can't wait to share in this experience with you.John and Wendi

More Adoption Info
January 26, 2007

So after my post from a few days ago, I know a lot of you have questions. I thought I would try to answer a few of them right now. However, quite honestly, it is very early on and many of you know as much as we do. This is uncharted waters for us. All we know to do is take one day at a time and take things as they come.

The main thing I want to make sure everyone understands is that we plan to continue with infertility treatments, primarily our scheduled transfer in May. If at any point I get pregnant, the adoption process would be halted until our child is a certain age (12 months for China and 6 months for other countries). At that point, we would pick back up where we started. We do not know if we will end up halting infertility treatments or end up halting adoption. We plan to just wait and see what the Lord does. We plan to pursue both avenues to completion -- using all 10 of our sticky babies and adoption.

On Monday, we submitted our application with America World. On our application, we choose the country we would like to adopt through. In the ten business days that follow, they look at our application and decide whether we qualify to adopt through China. If we don't qualify for China, they will tell us if we can instead apply for a different country. America World does adoptions in China, Russia, Ethiopia, El Salvador, Kazakhstan, and Ukraine. Our first choice is China. However, if we do not qualify in China, we will then look to a secondary country through America World. We are open to wherever God leads.

Some of you have asked why we know the child would be a girl. If we do China, the child will almost definitely, be a girl. The reason is complex, however, to sum it all up, boys are much more "important" in Chinese culture for a variety of reasons. It is the male child who takes care of his family as they age, and in many areas of China, there is a one child limit.

Therefore, girls are often abandoned. If you would like to read more on this, click HERE.

However, as I mentioned in my previous post, China has recently enacted a whole slew of new requirements. The reason, as I understand it, is because Chinese adoptions are very popular, and the country wants to "slim" their applicant pool. These requirements include such things as weight, health, marriage status, age, and financial status. One of the new requirements states that you have to have a certain net worth -- something that is up in the air for us as we prepare to move to Florida and JB will start his residency. I say all that to say we have to wait and see what the agency says. We have to wait and see if we qualify for China. If not, we will re-evaluate and move from there. While China is our current thought, we are trusting the Lord's leading. If he shuts the door on China, we will trust Him to lead us in a different direction.

Other people have been curious as to why we chose international over domestic adoption. Probably the main reason is just what our heart was telling us. We just, personally, felt most comfortable with this direction. That isn't to say domestic adoption isn't good or that we won't try domestic adoption in the future. It's just to say that for now, this is what we have on our heart.When we hear back from the AMERICA WORLD, I'll have more information for you. This is a long process and there will be lots of learning as we go. All said and done, the general "rule" is that once you submit your application, as we did earlier this week, the wait time is about two years. So while we are excited, we are quite aware that we are in for a long road.

I'll keep you all posted. For now, just pray for us. Pray that the Lord guides us. If we aren't supposed to adopt through China, that he makes that perfectly clear, and that JB and I stay on the same page every step of the way. Also, please pray that I, especially, have peace.

As my friend from Hannah's Prayer wrote: "Adoption is a whole new roller coaster but at least this is a roller coaster that we know we eventually get off." While infertility can feel unending, we know, eventually, even if takes years, we will someday parent through international adoption. However, that doesn't mean I am instantly surrounded my peace. I need the Lord to give me that. I spoke on the phone with my amazing friend Joan today. She reminded me that the Lord has a perfect child picked out for me. And I must wait on Him to introduce me to that child. The waiting game has begun.

Adoption Update
February 1, 2007

We did hear back from the adoption agency this week. Because of our move to Florida, it is going to be necessary to "hold" our application until we get to Florida. Applications are only good for six months and at that point they need to be redone. Because each state has different regulations and rules, we would have to get our "home study" redone when we move to Florida. A "home study" is basically meetings with a social worker as they draw up a report about your family and home environment. These are fairly expensive and not something you want to have redone. As a result, it will be best that we wait until after our May transfer and after resettling in our home in Florida. I, of course, am hoping that our May transfer results in amazing news. If it does not, we will finish our application and proceed with our home study.

This news was a little disheartening to me. I was hoping we could move forward with other paperwork with the agency prior to starting the home study. However, the adoption process is a little tricky. Most of the things you do (paperwork, applications, home studies etc.) expire after six months to one year. You therefore have to do things in a timely manner. If at any point in the adoption process we were to get pregnant, it would mean a lot of our paperwork, money, and time would "expire". JB has told me not to concern myself with this. He has said that if get pregnant and as a result, lose money, we are going to not care at all. I believe this in my heart but am trying to get my head to believe it.

So basically, our current plan is to transfer in May. If positive, pause the adoption process for awhile. If not positive, move forward with adoption and decide as we go when to do subsequent transfers of our sticky babies, all the while simply trusting the Lord that He knows best, and we will walk accordingly.

I have gotten some wise counsel this week and while I was initially disheartened with how difficult these journeys seemed, am feeling better and more positive and aware that the Lord is in control. Sometimes, when things seem so daunting, it is difficult to remember that, but I know the Lord has all of our children, biological and adopted, in the palm of his hands, and I look forward to getting to hold one of them on earth in the next few years. I told my Tante Jan, I wish I could just jump forward three years, see our child, and then come back here and live these three years knowing that there is a child at the end. But in the end, I do know that, I just have to trust the Lord to get us to that point in HIS time.

Trust is a word I thought I knew the meaning of. Then, just when I thought I did, I realize I didn't, and I have to start learning all over again!

Too Many Boys
February 1, 2007

My friend Melissa, the most web-savy, and, well, frankly, life-savy person I know sent me this link. While it doesn't speak specifically about adoption, it explains why there are so many girls up for adoption in China and the value that the society puts on boys. Thanks Melissa!
Too many boys

China Requirements
February 1, 2007

Well as I had mentioned previously, as of May 1st, the adoption requirements for China will become much more strigent. Quite honestly, this is because adopting through China is a well-oiled machine. In addition , Asian and Caucasian culture seems easier to assimilate. In short, it is all about supply and demand. Things that are very expensive are that way because people are willing to pay for it. China has decided that they are such a popular adoption country, that they will make their requirements more strigent, therefore shrinking the applicant pool and assuring better parents (not sure how you define that.)

So, here are the new requirements.

Requirements for intercountry Adoption from the Republic of China to take effect on May 1, 2007 (Preliminary version)

On December 21, 2006, the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) officially notified the U.S. Embassy in Beijing of new rules for intercountry adoption from China. This preliminary version is subject to change.

1. Prospective adoptive parents must be married for at least two years (marriage is defined as being between a man and a woman). If either the husband or wife has been divorced (no more than two divorces), the prospective adoptive parents must be married for at least five years.

2. Both the husband and wife must be at least 30 years old and under age 50. If adopting a special needs child, both must be between the ages of 30 and 55.

3. Both the husband and wife must be physically and mentally fit and must not have any of the following conditions:

• AIDS
• Mental disability
• Infectious disease that is actively contagious
• Blind in one or both eyes or wearing a prosthetic eye
• Hearing loss in both ears or loss of language function; those adopting children with hearing or language function loss are exempt if they have the same conditions
• Non-function or dysfunction of limbs or trunk caused by impairment, incomplete limb, paralysis or deformation
• Severe facial deformation
• Severe diseases that require long-term treatment and that affect life expectancy, including malignant tumors, lupus, nephrosis, epilepsy, etc
• Major organ transplant within ten years
• Schizophrenia
• On medication for more than two years for severe mental disorders, such as depression, mania, or anxiety neurosis
• Body Mass Index (BMI) (BMI=weight (kg)/height2 (m2) =40.

4. Either the husband or wife must have stable employment.

5. The family’s annual income must be $10,000 for each family member in the household (including the child to be adopted); the value of family assets must be $80,000. The computation of the family’s annual income excludes welfare income, pensions, unemployment insurance, or government subsidies, etc.

6. Both prospective adoptive parents must be high school graduates or have vocational training equivalent to that of a high school graduate.

7. They must have fewer than five children in the family under the age of 18 years, and the youngest one should be at least one year old. (Those adopting special needs children will be exempt.)

8. Neither prospective adoptive parents may have a criminal history; they must behave honorably, with good moral character, and be law-abiding. Neither should have any of the following histories:

• Domestic violence, sex abuse, abandonment or abuse of children (even if they are not consequently arrested or convicted)
• Use of narcotics, use of opium, morphine, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, etc., or any medication for mental illness that can cause addiction
• If they have a history of alcohol abuse they must show they have been sober for at least ten years.

9. Adoption applications from persons with past criminal violations will be considered on a case-by-case basis when either the husband or the wife has fewer than three minor criminal convictions and it has been ten or more years since the last conviction, or has fewer than 5 records of minor traffic law violation.

10. The prospective adoptive parents must have an understanding of what adoption is and the expectations to provide a warm family for the orphaned children (or children with handicap or disability) via adoption and to meet the needs of the children for their proper development. Prospective adoptive parents must have an understanding of intercountry adoption as well, and be fully prepared for the potential risks associated with intercountry adoption such as potential diseases, developmental delays, post-placement maladjustment, etc.

11. The prospective adoptive parents make clear in their adoption application letter their willingness to allow post-placement follow-ups and provide post-placement reports as required.

The fixed number of years or age requirements that prospective adopting parents must meet that appears in this letter shall be dated from the day when the adoption application documents are logged in at the CCAA.

Follow-Up to Negative IVF #4
June 14, 2007

Well ... I wanted to post something just to let everyone know that I am doing okay. To let everyone know that JB is doing okay. And to let everyone know that we are doing okay.

I actually said to JB last night, "I'm a little worried about how well I am doing. Maybe I'm not processing this correctly." JB replied with an analogy that while sad, is true. When you have lost so many times, it doesn't surprise you as much. Unfortunately, that is the case. We've taken so many calls like the one we took on Tuesday that it, quite honestly, wasn't a huge surprise.

I was extremely blessed that one of the physicians JB is working with agreed to help me get my blood work ordered on Tuesday. She is a fabulous woman who herself has struggled with infertility. When she asked if I was ready for the test, I burst into tears, and she stopped and asked if she could pray with us! Pray? Of course she could pray! Would I say no? A few hours later she called JB with the results, and I in turn, called Mayo with the results. At least this time I got to tell my Mayo nurses the bad news instead of the other way around.

I was also blessed that for whatever reason, JB was off on Tuesday. After the results came in, he bought me ice cream (Sonic!), we ordered pizza (which had to be reordered when a thunderstorm rolled through and knocked our pizza place out of commission), and we watched the movie: Little Miss Sunshine. Those of you who know me well know that I am not a laugh-out-loud type of person. It's not that I am not happy, I just don't laugh that hard that often. I laughed pretty hard during that movie, and it felt good.

I also spoke with my best bud Kristi. Kristi is always the person I call or email first with my results. This time she had grown impatient and happened to call me just a few minutes after we found out. She and I cried a lot together, and later that night, she called back and we cried some more together. Sometimes, you just need a friend to cry with. Kristi did a very good job crying with me! Apparently, when her husband Lee came home, their daughter (my goddaughter) Logan immediately told her Dad that Mom was upset and when Lee asked why, Logan told him it was because "Wendi needs babies." I smiled when Kristi told me that and started crying all over again.

I also had lunch yesterday with the only friend I have here at Eglin -- Jenny -- whom I met through our mutual friend, Roberta, in Minnesota. Jenny was a Godsend, and even though she is moving in a few months, I was encouraged when she told me that she'd like to try to have lunch with me weekly until she leaves. I was so blessed by that! She has a three week old son through IVF, but she is so like me in so many ways. Just having someone to give me some feeling of familiarity is so helpful. She also like hush puppies as much as I do which is great!

I spoke with my physician at Mayo yesterday afternoon and shared our decision -- that we are going to take a few years off of infertility treatments. And I tell that to everyone who reads my blog as well. We are still believing for our miracle, but we are done, for now, with shots and pills and calendars and blood work. We are thoroughly exhausted and just cannot bear to go through all this even one more time. God can work a miracle without that, and if He would like to, we'd be happy to let Him.

So ... we have called the adoption agency and will work this week to re-start our application for a Chinese adoption. I'm sure you'll be hearing enough about this in the weeks, months, and years to follow to leave you wishing I stopped talking about it, so I'll just leave it at that for now. But we are definitely proceeding with adoption and plan to see it through.

We are committed to the seven "sticky babies" still waiting for us but are going to let some time go by before I take any more hormones. As I spoke with my physician today, I was reminded that technology is changing rapidly and maybe, by the time we are ready to go back for the remaining seven, we will have new insight into the reason we continue to not get pregnant. My physician and I briefly discussed surrogacy and whether my uterus is causing relatively good embryos to not survive. We discussed a lot of things. And then we decided to not discuss any more things for awhile. For now, we are going to put all that aside and focus on adoption. When it is time to go back for those sticky babies, we'll discuss how and when and in what fashion. Today, I'm done discussing infertility treatments.

So, I think that sums everything up pretty adequately. I'm sure I'll have much more to say as time moves in.

Blessings friends!

Two Weeks in Florida and Two Years to Adopt
June 18, 2007

Today marks two weeks since I spent my first night at our new home in Florida. So much has happened in two weeks that in some ways it feels like we have been here for years. However, in the same breath, we still have so much to do ... moving is a lot of work ... that it feels like we have not been here very long at all. It's not just the moving part but all the paperwork and requirements that go along with it. We need to become Florida residents as soon as possible (No income tax!). We need to let everyone and their mother know our new address before our mail stops forwarding. We need to contact t-mobile and change our cell phone plan. Our digital phone line isn't getting a good connection. The list goes on and on.

I am back at work this morning after taking most of the weekend off for a visit from my Aunt and Uncle. Actually I've been back at work since Ed and Janet left this morning at about 6am. We have a grant due at Mayo on Wednesday so I have a ton to do. More to do than should probably allow for this "blog break" but hey, I'm taking it anyway. We had a wonderful weekend with our company. I was excited to get to show someone else our new home, the base, and the fact that I finally have a real, certified guest room and guest bathroom!

In other news, I wanted to take the chance to answer a few questions regarding the adoption process we have entered into. I am, basically, as clueless as most of you are. This is all new for me. That being the case, I'll provide as much information as I can. The main question I have had is regarding how long all of this will take.

The answer: quite awhile.

Currently, we are attempting to get some basic paperwork together to submit to "America World", our adoption agency. This paperwork includes a letter from JB's employer and a financial statement indicating our networth. As I have mentioned before, China has some requirements that other countries do not have including networth. We are not forseeing any problems with any of this paperwork, however, until we get all this in, we have not been officially approved to adopt through America World or through China. If for any reason they didn't approve us, it may mean that we are still eligible for adoption, just possibly not through that country. It could also possibly mean we are not eligible through their agency. As I said earlier, we think everything should go through fine, but we have to wait and see.

Once everything is approved, we would move forward with our "Home Study". This is where a social worker comes to your home for a series of meetings to "prove" you are qualified to adopt. Following this approval is a wide assortment of paperwork we have to compile for our "dossier". All in all, it will probably take 4-6 months before all of this is completed.

Once this is completed, we begin our wait for a "referral". We are waiting for the Chinese government to tell us which child is ours. This wait is approximately 18-20 months.

Once we get our referral, we then have an approximately 6-8 week wait before we would fly to China to pick up our daughter.

So, all in all, the wait from the day we decided (last week) until the day we bring the child home is about two or two and a half years. Sigh .... I guess we will all learn patience together won't we? :)

Adoption Hopes
June 22, 2007

Last night I dreamed that we adopted a little girl. She wasn't Chinese. I think she was Hispanic. And for some reason we were debating between her and Caucasian twins who seemed more than we could handle. She was seven and a half months old. I think her name was "Kylee" and I remember that we weren't crazy about the name, but she seemed to like it so were going to leave it. That was my dream.

What's odd is that the first time I have ever dreamed about having a child. Ever. I've often wondered why I never dream about children, but I just haven't. So last night was a bit strange to me.

Maybe it was because yesterday, we submitted our two required pieces of paperwork to America World. This included our financial statement and JB's employment letter. I totally gave the financial letter requirements over to JB. Figuring out your net worth is NOT easy. How do you estimate how much your TV is worth? Your dining room table? Pots and pans? Pillows? In the end, we went by what our renter's insurance is worth. As we figured it out, we had the net worth required to adopt through China. However, you never feel totally confident until you get the nod.

As I have explained before, China has really tightened their requirements for adoptive parents. They are a very popular country to adopt through, and they wanted to narrow their applicant pool and make sure their kids would go to the best families. I'm not sure that requiring a certain net worth , no facial deformities, a certain body fat percentage, (and the list goes on and on) does that, but nonetheless, those are the new rules.

JB and I would really like to be accepted into the Chinese program, and this paperwork we submitted will help determine that. Our reasons for going through China include the fact that it is a very proven country as far as adoptions are concerned. I like to say "it is a well oiled machine." Unfortunately, due to their one child rule, Chinese daughters are frequently abandoned. As a result, they have nearly all girls available for adoption. We are excited about this. For some reason, we both felt that having a female for our first adoption would be easier. We have no real reason that we feel this way we just think it would be.

We also think that there are a lot more "stories" about people adopting through Asian countries than through other countries. We feel that the first time we do this, we'd like to do through a country that is a little more proven in assimilation success. John and I are not giving up our dream of biological children, however, we also have plans to adopt many children! We'd like to adopt from different countries, however, we wanted to start with one that we could get support from other parents who had done it.

Some of you have asked me about the cost of adoption. If you ask me in person, I'll gladly discuss it with you. I think that people should be educated regarding adoption, especially because I want to encourage others to adopt as well. However, I feel I should refrain from discussing finances on our blog. So, if you really want to check into prices through America World, you can check them out on their website: PROGRAMS. You can find all the details on cost for various countries at this link. I will say that if I am still employed at Mayo when our child comes home we will receive a check for $10,000! In addition, the military provides $2,000 toward costs. And, currently, there is a $10,000 tax write-off in place for adoptive families. We will see if that is still in place at the next election. Either way, with all this, our adoption costs will be greatly diluted.

What is very strange to me right now is that, for the first time, we are actually starting to say, "When we have a child." We have spent so long completely protecting our hearts. We don't go into baby stores; we don't discuss names; we don't say: "When we have children..." But lately, we have been. In the car the other day, John asked me if I had thought about names. I looked up and just started at him. Names? Of course I hadn't. We never discussed names. In the beginning, we used to. But then, with every negative, and every friend taking the name you liked, you just stop doing it. It hurts even more. Now, possibly, I can think of a name?! I truly don't know where to begin.

So I guess I write all this to say that we are excited. I have gotten an abundance of mail and email during the last few weeks. (What a blessing!) Many of you have admitted to me that you are glad we are taking a little break from the infertility treatments. You are glad that we are moving forward with something that will, eventually, have a positive outcome. Please don't stop praying for our adopted and biological children. We are praying for both. However, for now, we are very excited, to have the opportunity to be parents. We know it's the right time.

I'm finally allowed to get my hopes up!

Approved
July 1, 2007

We've been approved to adopt through China! Our adoption agency called and emailed us yesterday with the news that we are in! We were pretty confident that we would be approved, but until you get the final nod of approval, you can't help but worry that there is something they won't like. So what's next? In about a week, we will get the final paperwork from our agency. We'll give our final signatures and make our first payment toward the adoption. I'm not exactly sure how much that is yet. I'll have to wait until we receive the paperwork. At that point, we can move forward with compiling our dossier and also getting our home study completed.

To be honest, I'm not very sure what's involved with either of those items. When I can sound like I know what I am talking about, I'll explain it to all of you! All in all, it should take between 4-6 months to complete the dossier and home study. Once that is finished, it is simply a waiting game until we get "given" our child by China. They will send us a photo, information, and a name. Once they "refer" us to our child, we'll have about 6-8 weeks before we leave for China to pick up our daughter. We hope both of us can go, but if for any reason JB cannot get off during that window, I can go solo. However, it's the wait for the referral that is extremely long. That stage is the long one: up to two years.

When I told JB that we were approved when he got home from work, he immediately said, "You're going to be a mom!" It sounded very strange, and for some reason, I keep thinking someone is going to call me and say, "We're sorry. Your test results were negative. Please try again later." It's incredibly difficult to fathom that adoption doesn't work that way. In fact, it's one of the reasons we decided to do international adoption and international adoption through China. Neither John nor myself could handle one more negative result. In infertility circles, a negative is referred to as BFN "big fat negative." I started thinking about what these four years have entailed and the best I could come up with was:

1. 8 months trying before seeing doctors due to no ovulation -- BFN x 8
   
2. 3 failed attempts to ovulate on clomid -- BFN x 3
   
3. 2 negative IUIs (artificial inseminations) -- BFN x 2
   
4. 2 cancelled IUI's -- BFN x 2
   
5. 1 year on metformin but no other treatments (ovulated twice) -- BFN x 2
   
6. 1 cancelled IUI/permitted to try on our own -- BFN x 1
   
7. 4 IVF transfers -- BFN x 4

So that equals 22 times that we had to have someone call us and tell us (or we found out ourselves) that things did not work. I also thought I would try to estimate how many pills, shots, and doctors appointments this was but quite honestly, I do not even know how to begin to calculate those numbers. I'll just say that from the best I can estimate, I have probably had upwards of FIFTY internal ultrasounds.

Unfortunately, adoption domestically, while fantastic, can result in some disappointments: birth mother changes her mind, birth mother chooses someone else, etc. While I think domestic adoption is wonderful, we, personally, were just not able to deal with that at this point in our lives. We just, emotionally, needed something concrete. The last two weeks have been a time for great healing and great conversation for the two of us. We have spent four years of our lives dealing with doctors appointments, medications, shots, hormones, emotions, and physicians intruding on one of the most personal areas of our lives. We are so relieved to not be doing that anymore. I am relieved that, aside from some residual headaches, I am sleeping consistently. I am not crying uncontrollably. I can exercise whenever I want. I am not yelling at JB for no reason. We aren't answering to alarms telling me it's time to have another shot or another pill or another appointment. We are relieved to be done with all of that and relieved to finally be doing something where at the end, we know the phone call will be a positive one. I am still not ready to venture into a baby store or to buy anything for a nursery. I know I'll be ready at some point, but for right now, I just can't go there. It's also a long way away, and I'd rather focus on something else until then.

One thing you can add to your prayer list is prayer for our daughter. She is currently, not born yet. But at some point, in the next year to year and a half, a mother or couple are going to have a little girl that they are going to decide they do not want to keep. This could be because of poverty or, more likely, because they wanted a son and are only allowed to have one child. Please pray for those parents. Please pray for that little girl. And please pray that the Lord brings us together in his perfect timing (but quickly if he can!)

Adoption Update
July 24, 2007

Well the "paper pregnancy" has officially begun! This is both exciting and overwhelming in one breath.

Over the weekend we got a bunch of paperwork from America World. I waited until JB was able to sit down and look at it all with me. and then together we signed two more forms and sent them off. There is so much to do! I know the key is just taking one piece of the puzzle at a time, and truly, that's what we are doing, but holy cow. If biological parents had to do all this, we'd have very few children in our world today.

There are two major things that we are going to be doing over the next 4-6 months. It isn't until these two steps are completed that we begin the official "wait" for our daughter. The current wait is esimated at about 22 months. (This starts after this 4-6 process is completed.)

The amount of time can vary greatly. I had a small case of hypreventilation the other day when I ran our numbers through an online "China calculator" and it came back as 2012. JB immediately demanded I refrain from perusing the internet to find "reputable" advice! There currently is a backlog in China, but they do believe it is going to improve. Due to the incredible demand for their children, the country had developed a huge backlog. I have heard estimates that they were accepting 2,000 families a month but only "giving out" 800 children a month. Yep. This would back things up a bit. So in order to improve this, they changed their requirements so as to shrink the potential applicants. Here are the new requirements. As you'll notice, my 30th birthday couldn't have come at a more perfect time as you now must be 30 to adopt!

• be between the ages of 30 - 49 (both spouses) at the time dossier is received by CCAA
  consider adopting through our WIC Program if aged 50 - 54
• be open to adopting a toddler if over 45*
• are married at least 2 years if no history of divorce; married at least 5 years if previously divorced; have no more than two previous marriages each
• have a minimum income of $30,000 plus an additional $10,000 for each child already in the home* and have a net worth of at least $80,000
• have no more than four children already living in the home* (flexibility on this for WIC cases)
• have a child no younger than one year old at time dossier is sent to CCAA
• be in excellent health* and have a BMI (body mass index) no greater than 40; inquire about mental health including minor depression, anxiety or similarly mild conditions; history of major surgery; vision/hearing impairments; mobility limitations or any chronic/long-term diagnoses
• have at least a high school diploma/equivalent or higher level of education
• have no history of drug use or dependency; where there is a history of alcohol abuse >10 yrs of alcohol-free lifestyle considered
• certain histories or criminal records are evaluated on a case by case basis

So the first of the two major things we have to work on during the next 4-6 months is our Dossier.

The Dossier includes:

• Application letter
• Husband's birth certificate
• Wife's birth's certificate
• Marriage certificate
• Husband's physical exam
• Wife's physical exam
• Financial statement
• Husband's employment verification letter
• Wife's employment verification letter
• Home Study report
• Husband's police report
• Wife's police report
• USCIS (paperwork required for our daughter's entry into the U.S.)
• Family photo pages
• Copy of each parent's passport

Now not only do we have to get all these items, but nearly all must be notarized and most certified by the state they originated from. That means our marriage license? Certified in Kentucky. JB's birth certificate? Certified in the state he was born: North Carolina. Then all of these must be certified by the U.S. State Department before heading for certification by the China Embassy or Consulate.
America World offers a "Dossier Assistance Program" for another $1,000. In the grand scheme of things, this really isn't that much money. This program offers help in getting paperwork certified by different places and offers more assistance than normal as they walk us through the steps. John and I are debating using the program. I know I have a lot of people reading this blog who have adopted. If you have any opinion about whether we should use this service, please don't hesitate to let me know. I posted a question about it on Hannah's Prayer and most people seemed to think we didn't need it, but we aren't sure.

The second thing we will be doing is our Home Study. This is where a social worker creates an in-depth report on our family from where we live, how we live, to who we are. They require three references. We were informed last night that these three references must be living in the state we reside. JB and I both agreed that it's a good thing he was stationed at a base in the state we grew up in. What if we were stationed in Nebraska? (No offense Melissa P.) :) Who do we know in Nebraska? Anyways, these people had to be someone who knew both JB and I very well and were not related to us. We had a lot of people who knew one of us well and a lot of people who were related to us. But people who knew both of us on a personal basis and were not related to us was more difficult. But we managed to secure three loyal subjects. Thank you oh loyal ones.

I have been repeatedly asked if I am excited. Let me say this: JB is excited. I, am, guarded. I know that if we walk through these steps, we should, by the time we leave Eglin, have a little girl in our arms. However, this is difficult to even believe. I have yet to contemplate names or even put a toe inside a baby store. I know this will eventually change. But for now, I'm still a bit hesitant to believe that this could really occur someday.

I will keep you posted on the details of our paperwork, probably more than some of you will like. If you have JB and I in our prayers please pray for the following things:

• That Wendi will not feel anxious or worried about the "incidentals"
• That JB will have the stamina to handle all the adoption stuff while going through residency
• That the Lord's timing is perfect, and the perfect little girl joins our family
• For the family of this little girl; that his comfort would surround them in the years to come

Thanks all!

Month of Pensacola
July 31, 2007

It's 5:30 a.m. JB just left for Pensacola. He'll be at Sacred Heart Hospital for one month. While the commute is a bit long (1:15 minute), it is supposed to be a wonderful rotation and upper level residents speak highly of it. He will be on call the first three of his four weekends one night each weekend. This weekend his call is from 6pm Friday to 6am Saturday. This isn't too bad as he will then have most of Friday off!

John ended up getting nearly a half day yesterday. He was done at 2:00. By 3:00, the two of us headed down to the Destin Outlets. We are now taking the bridge side anytime we go that far into Destin which costs $2.50 to cross. We decided to purchase an IPASS so now it only costs $1.75 to pass. Although, it will take 37 crossings to make up for the money we had to spend to buy the IPASS in the first place, it will still make crossing a lot nicer. The bridge is absolutely beautiful and the traffic more predictable than going through Fort Walton Beach.

Our main reason for hitting the outlets was so that I could get some new shoes. I haven't been running an exorbitant amount -- only around 12-15 miles a week. However, my knees are bothering me slightly. John thought it could be my shoes as I definitely don't buy new running shoes as often as they recommend. However, either way my running has been stalled for at least a few days as I am nursing a slight ankle/arch injury. I am not sure what I have done, but my foot is a little swollen and bruised. Nothing really bad (I've done bad), but enough for John to lecture me as he walked out of the door today ... something like, "Don't come complaining to me if you go and run today and then can't walk tonight." Okay, okay ... I'll take a day off.

In the end, both John and I got running shoes, and since I wear men's running shoes, we ended up picking the exact same shoe at the Nike Outlet. They gave us 10% off (military discount) as well. We also hit the Under Armor store. Fellow runners -- this stuff is awesome, and I found a great sale which Under Armor usually never has. (Got a military discount here too.) I bought quite a few nice pieces to walk and/or run in.

John decided to cook some Thai chicken wraps last night. It's so nice with Matt and Tiffany just a few houses away. What's even nicer is that the houses that separate us from them are now both vacant so we can actually just cross over through the backyards instead of walking around the block. Anyways, being as they are so close, a dinner invite can be a last minute invention which was the case last night. Tiffany and I are also "child/pup swapping." She came over while we were in Destin and let Scrubs out twice while I am going to watch William for her on Tuesday nights while she attends a weekly meeting. That sounds pretty fair. Well, actually, I think Tiffany gets the raw end of the deal. Scrubs is a lot harder to deal with than William. William's one of the best kids ever.

Heather, a woman I met in church Sunday, also stopped by while Matt and Tiffany were here last night with her two great big labs. Scrubs was a bit intimidated but held his ground and the three were soon fast friends. Heather walks each evening and has invited me to join her at anytime.

I am starting to feel that my 40-hour-per-week job is a lot with all these women in the neighbhorhood wanting to get together for walks and coffee and lunch. I have to remind myself that JB is working between 60-80 most weeks so there is still plenty of hours in the week for me to socialize, but I am really enjoying this being at home stuff.

The other big thing that JB and I are currently working on is compiling paperwork for our adoption home study. Before the home study can began, we have to compile:

• Wendi autobiography
• John autobiography
• Birth certificates
• Marriage certificate
• Employment letters
• Income tax return
• Three letters of reference
• Statement of net Worth
• International Disclaimer
• Medical Reports (physicals)
• Florida Dept. of Law enforcement Clearances for each applicant
• Child Abuse clearances for each applicant
• Local police letters
• Signed affidavits of good moral character
• America World reading agreement (we agree to read a list of adoption books)

None of these are major obstacles but all of them will require a bit of time to get them done. So we need to get going on compiling these. I am hoping that we can get them altogether by sometime next week so we can get this show on the road.

First Gift for our Daughter
August 6, 2007

Scrubs and I took our daily walk to the mailbox this morning and noticed we had a package. Inside were these shoes. I probably should have taken them out of the wrapping for a better picture, but I want to make sure they are preserved properly! So they won't come out of the bag for awhile. These were a gift from a dear friend. I won't reveal her identity, but needless to say I stood in the kitchen crying quite hard -- not out of sadness (for once) but out of happiness. Friend, your gift will go down as one of the most priceless treasures I have ever received. This is the FIRST item we have in our home specifically for our daughter. I am still unable to purchase anything or even think about anything (names, room, colors etc.). 

Ironically, it was just two days ago that Rachel put a comment on my blog pertaining to this very thing. She wrote: I just cannot WAIT for you and John to go and get your daughter. Every time I see a lovely pink something (outfit, hat, shoes) I think of you guys and your little one that is on the way. Just as much as I am excited for her to actually get here, I am almost as excited for the day to come when you feel like the end (her coming) is in sight. That day when you start to tell us about her bedroom that you are decorating and the clothes that you are buying for her. I can't wait to share in the excitement and anticipation with you!

When I read this, I thought it ironic that we haven't bought a single thing. I think JB would, but I just haven't even been able to contemplate it. Then, today, I got to the mailbox, and surprise! Our first daughter item. Rachel, aren't you excited?

Paperwork and Writing Papers
August 6, 2007
Everyone told me how much paperwork was involved with adoption, but quite honestly, I don't know if I really believed them. Domestic adoption requires a lot, but international adoption requires even more with all the paperwork going to the Embassy in the country you are adopting from.

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed yesterday, when I got an email from a woman in the area. I had written on our "information card" at one of the churches we visited that I was interested in adoption/infertility support, and he gave this lady my email! She has a daughter from China, her husband is in the Air Force, and they are looking to use America World for their next adoption from Ethiopia!!! Wow! So much in common. She said there is a support group for parents who have adopted from China in Northern Florida. She said there is a couple in Crestview (30 minutes from here) waiting for their referral for their daughter. She also said she would love to have us over for dinner and love to help us with our paperwork questions. What a blessing! Her name is Jen, and I am so thankful for her email! I already feel less alone here.

Last night over dinner, JB and I both filled out our "book list". We have to read two assigned books together and then three books separately of our own choosing. John picked one about "raising daughters" which was weird to write the title of! (Oh and speaking of dinner, JB made INDIAN! We found some Naan in the grocery store which is unusual and usually not good. Oh my this was HEAVEN! I haven't had Indian since before we left Minnesota.)

Next issue? The police clearance letter. I need to get a letter from a Florida police department saying we have no criminal history. It has to be notarized on police letterhead. The only problem? Every county around here I call tells me they will only give me a "Certificate" from the "Circuit court". No letter. No notary. I'm trying to figure out what to do about this and whether this will suffice. Jen said she had some advice on this. She thinks the clearance letter will suffice. I've emailed my family coordinator to find out.

Some steps are easy. I have this handy dandy little "copier/fax machine/printer" that I bought for work. Copy of passport. Got it. Copy of birth certificate? Yep. Marriage license. Got it.

Then there are the physicals. The next appointment we could get was the 20th! Since we can't start the home study until all this "stuff" is compiled, I wasn't psyched about this date. However, JB is going to call the resident doing our physicals and see if we can get some of the blood work and labs done ahead of time so once we get to the appointment, it is smooth sailing.

We have to find our income tax statement somewhere.

I'm waiting to get employment letters back from Mayo and RLSF. JB already has his. For some reason, they made him get one for our application itself but not me so we already had this. My bosses have to sign and notarize these forms and then mail them to me.

I've been working on my 2-4 page autobiography. JB hasn't had time to start his. We are talking about maybe having him dictate it to me over the phone on his way home from work tonight.

There's a lot more, but I'm getting tired just from writing this. I'll stop there.

Speaking of writing, I was contacted by The Wedding Magazine in Rochester, Minnesota about writing for the upcoming issue. Since most local magazines only hire local writers, I didn't think they would have me write again. She did want to me write again and asked me to do two stories. When she told me the deadline (August 24th) I told her that I didn't think I could get two stories done in that time frame with how busy I am. I added, "If I had ten more days, I think I could do it ..." She negotiated back and offered me five extra days (the 29th) to take both stories. I accepted. So aside from my two jobs, I have two pieces to write for this magazine. I truly love writing the pieces; it's pinning down people to interview that can cause a little more difficulty. But the pay is good and keeping my name "in the loop" is also good.

Speaking of writing, I'm off to work ... which really means just logging on to my remote servers. How easy of a commute is that?!
Not Bitter ... Not Broken
August 6, 2007

Today JB and I had our physicals for the adoption. The appointment was with another fellow resident who was extremely sweet. She has an adopted sister from Taiwan and couldn't help but say repeatedly how honored she was to take part in this process. John was seeing other patients, however, he stopped in for a few minutes and will get some of his other tests done later. We also went in early this morning for blood work and a urine sample. The good news is that it looks like we are healthy enough to be parents!

During the course of my appointment this afternoon, I found myself getting pretty emotional. In fact, during the drive on the way home, I burst out into tears. I am not exactly sure where those tears came from. I think part of the emotions is the fact that, as most of you know I don't ovulate. And if I do ovulate it usually 1-2 times a year. Well I did ovulate last month, I knew I was ovulating, and yet again, we are not pregnant. Now I know that this is likely. Even if I do successfully ovulate, we have a secondary "speed bump" in that there is some sort of sperm binding issue working against us. I know that. I also know that a pregnancy would completely halt our adoption in its tracks. And yet, it is difficult not to get hopeful.

The other thing that got to me was just being in a doctor's office in general. I kept thinking that the last time I was in a doctor's office, I was doing my fourth round of IVF. As this physician spoke with me and she asked me about my infertility history, she seemed flabbergasted as I listed the procedures: 2 rounds of clomid, 5 rounds of artificial insemination, 2 harvests for IVF, 4 IVF transfers ... Did we really do all that? I told her we still had 7 embryos to go back for and as I said it I thought, "How can I do that again?" I don't want to do that again. Will I ever, emotionally, be able to handle the process of IVF again nevertheless a minimum of two times more? More shots, more pills, more appointments. Of course my ever rationale husband would tell me, "Now Wendi, that is many years away. Is there any point in worrying now about that?" No dear JB. There isn't.

I realized that during the last four years, I was going to the doctor at least five times a month for infertility related issues. This is my best estimate. Some months were more. Some months were less. Some months I went five times in a week! Anyways, with that modest estimate, that equals 60 times a year. Multiply that by four years and you have 240 appointments. Now think about the fact that most of these required needles and exams most people don't enjoy and discussions of an extremely personal part of our lives, and, you know, I just can't believe I actually made it through that. Nor can I imagine going through it again.

The subject of "bitterness" has come up in recent weeks in numerous conversations I have had regarding infertility and grief. Even today, bitterness is my constant enemy. I am very careful not to allow myself to make calloused comments or hateful statements. Phrases like, "I'll never get pregnant. What am I doing wrong? Why can't it be my turn? That's so unfair etc. etc." These phrases just have to be eliminated from my vocabularly. John helps me in this. Early on in my infertility journey I had an image of myself at my own funeral. I realized that the eulogy could go two ways. Either everyone would say, "You know, from the moment she found out she was barren, that woman became the most bitter, biting old hag I ever met ..." Or, people could say, "You know, even though she fought that infertility crud, she never let it get the best of her." I wanted the latter! I wanted to be happy.

But this is hard when you feel like you are the only woman in the world who can't get pregnant. For awhile, every pregnant woman I saw was just a stab in the gut -- a reminder of what I couldn't have.

To combat this, I made myself PRAY for the woman and her baby every time a pregnant person passed me. Well that did the trick. You can't be silently cursing someone when you are praying for them now can you? I also started the blog to help share my thoughts and feelings with friends and family and open up the conversation on the topic. I told people how they could help. I asked friends to be sensitive with pregnancy announcements. I made it a personal goal to help educate the public about infertility. I discovered Target.com and realized I could send a baby gift without ever having to walk back into the baby section again! I decided I would not attend any baby showers for the sake of my own sanity. I helped start the support group at my church in Minnesota. I found "Hannah's Prayer" online. I started going to counseling. I turned to my best bud Kristi and a few other close friends who had experienced the pain of infertility. I did everything that I could to stay healthy. I did not want to turn into a bitter woman. I did not want to get depressed. There were many nights JB would go down his "depression checklist" and then tell me that I was doing okay. "You aren't depressed. You are just very, very sad," he would say. He learned how to help me. We learned how to help each other.

I am not glad we had to deal with infertility. What I am glad about is that I have learned how to grieve. I have learned how to comfort others who are grieving. I have understood what it feels like to question God, your faith, your stability, your marriage, your future, eternity. And I have come out on the other side. Today in the doctor's office I think I realized that I am no longer "the infertile woman". I am the "woman who will soon be a mom." I was so relieved to have all that behind me, at least for awhile. It felt good!

Paperwork and Puppies
September 7, 2007

The paperwork we finally compiled which will hopefully get our Home Study underway! I mailed this stack today.

It's Friday, and I have managed to avoid an impending cry for most of the day.

This morning I dropped JB off at the hospital so I could have the car. He has to be there at 6:15 so it's an early start. Scrubs loves to get in the car so we have a good morning activity to start the day with.

I needed the car so I could run to the post office. We finally got all our paperwork together to send to the Home Study agency in Orlando. You'd think that would make me feel better, but I only felt more overwhelmed. I got an email from the main office in Virginia telling me that our birth certificates and marriage license aren't official. They have to been issued in the last year, and then they have to be certified by the state. This means that I have to contact Kentucky (marriage license), Florida (my birth certificate), and North Carolina (JB's birth certficate). I have to pay for and request new licenses so they are less than a year old. I then have to somehow, and I am not sure how, get these certified by the state.

I also found out that JB's employment letter, which has now been redone two times (and notarized two times), has to go through a third draft so that it states that he has "dependent employment." Our family coordinator said we could leave this out and not get it redone; however, we risk China rejecting the letter!

I know everyone told me to take this paperwork one day at a time, and everyone told me it will get done, but it seems so daunting! It just seems like so much. And then I start feeling sorry for myself. Biological parents don't have to do this?! Why do I?! I know that's a stupid thing to feel, but I feel it, and it feels frustrating.

So let's move on to brighter things. Tonight John and I are going to a "pharma dinner". These are fancy dinners put on by pharmaceutical companies. All the physicians get invited, however, spouses aren't invited. So how come I get to go? I'm a medical writer!!! That counts!!! Yay!!! So we get to go get a nice meal together in Destin. Should be fun.

Anyways, in other news, Scrubs is doing really well. I have taken a few pictures of him sleeping. You'll notice some rough spots on his skin. He has a genetic skin condition that he will hopefully outgrow as his immune system gets stronger. JB gives him some liquid medication each evening (after he gets sleepy so he doesn't know what is going on).

But you'll notice these pictures are taken in my office. (Or if you didn't notice, I'm telling you.) Scrubs is spending more and more time around the house with me during the day as his bathroom behavior gets more and more reliable. He follows me everywhere and since he is usually only really active between 5 and 8 am and pm, his behavior during the day is pretty mild.

He still struggles to communicate that he has to go to the bathroom. The last two nights he has gotten very "bad", nipping and barking like crazy. Both nights we thought he was just having a hyper-attack and put him in his kennel only to have him have an accident. How stupid can we get!? We soon realized that he was trying to tell us he wanted to go out. He doesn't want to go in the house, but we have to communicate between the two of us better! Anyways, here are some pics of Scrubs taking a nap while I worked.



Adoption Biography
September 12, 2007

Our home study requires both John and myself to write an autobiography detailing a long list of "life events". The entire document is quite lengthy, but I thought I would include some excerpts from my own autobiography -- finally submitted last week. Please remember that this was written for our home study and for us personally -- not originally to be shared. But here it is, nonetheless.

Growing up in South Florida as the oldest of two children, I had a fairly “storybook” like life. I was raised in a good Christian home. I attended a good Christian school. My parents were good Christian parents. My brother Keith, who was two years younger than myself was a typical younger brother. However, despite our normal sibling disagreements, we were both good kids that refrained from getting into any “real” trouble through adolescence. I feel unbelievably blessed to have been raised in the home that I was. I learned the value of money and quality time. Today I am incredibly close with my parents, my brother, and his wife.

My parents were foster parents themselves, and my little brother “John” is still someone I look back on with fond memories. In addition, we had a young African American mother and her daughter move in with us for an extended period of time while they tried to get back on their feet financially. I remember my brother and I willingly shared a room during this time without question. I was instilled with the value system that as Christians, we should care for the widows and the orphans. As John and I married, we also willingly opened our home to those who have fallen on difficult times. We learned to never turn people away.

My husband John (whom I call “JB”), meanwhile, was growing up in a very similar environment. The second oldest of six children, his family was also living in a house filled with love and the Lord. In fact, it was at that good Christian school that we met. While I was actually in the third grade when he first transferred to Fort Lauderdale Christian School, it wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I talked him into falling in love with me. He was a year older and his graduation took him to a nearby technical college on a full scholarship. We continued to date while he pursued a career as a graphic designer.

I grew up surrounded by athletics and had my pick of colleges and universities to attend on either a basketball, volleyball, or combination scholarship. I settled on basketball at Western Kentucky University in Bowling Green, Kentucky. After my second year of college, John was awarded his Associates Degree and decided to move to Kentucky so that we could end our long distance dating. He drove to Kentucky with what fit in his car and one month’s rent. He quickly found a job as a graphic designer for a local design firm.

Before my senior year of college, we decided to get married. We had been dating over four years at that point and despite our young ages (21 and 22), we had no doubt that we had found the perfect life partner. We had a modest wedding in Kentucky and settled into a comfy townhouse.

Over the next five years, our lives would go through a substantial number of changes. I took a job teaching high school English and journalism and coaching basketball and volleyball at a public high school about 30 miles from Bowling Green. A year later, we decided to move to that tiny town of 8,000 to eliminate my commute. The business John worked for went bankrupt, and he decided to open up his own graphic design business out of our home. He also made the decision during this time to go back to school while running his business. In 2003, he would be accepted at the prestigious Mayo Medical School in Rochester, Minnesota, and we would move there so that he could pursue his dream of becoming a physician. He would also be commissioned as an officer in the U.S. Air Force – a reverse GI bill of sorts that would pay for medical school.

We moved together to Rochester, Minnesota in 2003. I took a job teaching and coaching again while John began medical school. In 2004, I decided to change careers and began writing and editing for a non-profit organization and a cardiovascular researcher at the Mayo Clinic.

In June of 2007, we moved to Eglin Air Force Base in northern Florida. My husband began his internship in family medicine. I continue to work for the same two companies from my home. I work full-time writing and editing.

Both John and I are in very good health. My only health issues have been related to our infertility. I was diagnosed with PCOS and any medication I have taken was related to attempting to correct this problem or pursue infertility treatments.

I am unbelievably blessed with the husband the Lord picked out for me. John is my best friend. We have a wonderful and healthy marriage and enjoy spending time together immensely. I would not change my spouse for anything in the world. Quite honestly, the biggest conflict we have had during our nine years of marriage surrounded adoption. I felt I was ready to adopt only a year or two after we started infertility treatments. John did not feel I was ready for this. We handled this disagreement the way we always do – choosing to move forward only when both parties are on the same page. We meet in prayer and just asked the Lord to bring us to the same point at the same time. We had no doubt that He would do that.

I am, without question, incredibly satisfied with my marriage. I view marriage as a forever thing, and there is no doubt that John and I are together “until death do us part.”

It was in Minnesota, however, that our marriage and very being as Christians was shaken to the core. John and I had, quite honestly, had a life that went exactly according to plan. We married our high school sweetheart. We both were awarded full college scholarships. Despite some rough times financially during our first two years of marriage, we were completely debt free and enjoyed opportunities never available to us as children. Our relationship, our marriage, our college, our jobs, our lives . . . had gone very smoothly, and we considered ourselves truly blessed. We loved each other deeply and were the best of friends.

But it was in Minnesota that we decided it was time to start our family. And it was when we decided to start our family that we realized our life wasn’t going to take the direction we had envisioned. We spent the next four years in doctors’ offices dealing with the infertility. Five artificial inseminations, four attempts at IVF, and thousands upon thousands of dollars later, we were no closer to the family we had always dreamed of.

John and I had often talked of adoption. Even prior to our infertility diagnosis and prior to our marriage, we had shared the dream that we wanted to fill our house with children that didn’t have a home. We always said they could be any race that the Lord wanted. We dreamed of a big farm where we could give a home to children who didn’t have one. However, neither of us envisioned that that home would only include adopted and fostered children. We always thought our own biological children would also fill our home.

As the infertility journey pushed onward, we spoke of adoption periodically, but still had the idea that it was a “Plan B” – something that should be pursued after we had our own children.

During the spring of 2007, John and I made plans to go to Nigeria for a four week mission trip. It was during the preparations for this trip and during our time in Africa that we realized adoption was not “Plan B”. Adoption was Plan A! We both realized that we could love a child unconditionally even if they were not our child biologically. And we could accept the fact that our home many not include biological children. We continue to pray that we may someday be blessed with a biological child as well; however, we believe that all of our children will be loved equally no matter whose womb they grew in.

As we started discussing where we should adopt from, we never really considered domestic adoption. Growing up in South Florida, we were used to a melting pot of cultures. John’s family was the only Caucasian family on his block. My family went to an extremely diverse church and all of my friends at church were a conglomeration of races. We also knew that white children were in very high demand. There were so many couples that were intent on only adopting white children. We both felt like we should “save” the white children for couples that wouldn’t adopt any others. We, on the other hand, were quite okay with children who didn’t look like us. We had very dear friends in Minnesota who were a mixed race couple: he was born in India, and she was white. We would watch their daughter once a week while they attended foster parenting classes. One night, while Karuna was sitting on JB’s lap, passing gas and laughing hysterically, we both looked at each other at the same time, acknowledging that if this were our daughter, we could fall in love with her without question – despite the fact that she looked nothing like us and was not related to us biologically.

The next step in our adoption journey was picking an agency. I had heard about Steven Curtis Chapman and his adoptions through America World early on in our infertility journey. One stop on their webpage and I knew this was where we should go. John felt the same way. It was an instantaneous “perfect fit” for us. Once we picked America World, we then decided to pick the country we would like to adopt through. Our decision to go with China was two-fold. One, we liked the idea of adopting through a country that had done this many times – a country that might decrease the risks of facing a disappointment. We also thought that adopting through China would allow us to more easily find other couples and families who had “done this before” and could support us with advice and encouragement. In the future, we hope to adopt through other countries, however, we thought that China would be a good first step in our inclusion of other cultures into our family.

It is actually our hope that through the support of other people who have previously adopted through China, that we will be able to find support and encouragement for potential issues that may arise with our daughter. We want to present our daughter with a love for both her new culture and the culture she was born into. John and I love to travel! We have been to Africa and to Europe and all but a few of the continental United States. We have always been intrigued and fascinated by how “other people” live and the beauty of their country. We have no doubt that we will return to China with our daughter at some point in the future.

We have only been in Florida for a few months but have already been connected with two different families who have traveled similar roads. We have found a support group in the area as well and an online discussion forum. I believe that if we seek out the proper advice and encouragement, we will be able to successfully navigate the adoption concerns that may emerge. We know there will be “issues”, but we believe that while we don’t know what we are getting, we wouldn’t know what we were getting with our biological child either. We must just trust the Lord and walk one step at a time.

Both John and I have extensive experience with children. John was the second oldest of six children. In fact, he was sixteen when his youngest brother Rob was born. He jokes that he has changed more diapers than any father in America. I think this is probably true.

I grew up around children. I babysat extensively and worked in the nursery at church every week. Everyone who knew me called me the “mother hen”. I talked often about my life goals: to be a wife and a mom. That’s all I have ever wanted to be. John and I actually “fell in love” working at a summer camp together. We also have, subsequently, watched all of our friends begin starting their families. While we know we have a lot to learn, we know that we will be very good parents.

John and I feel that we can offer a child a fantastic home. In June, we relocated to a new community in northern Florida. We now live in a 1500 square foot, 3 bedroom home with a yard, and plenty of room for children on Eglin Air Force Base – a community that is extremely safe and guarded. We have one little puppy, a Dalmatian we call “Scrubs”, that we purposely purchased now, so we could train him well prior to the arrival of our daughter. We have friends throughout our neighborhood. We recently found a church we believe we will call home as long as we are here in Florida. One of the main things we loved about this church was all the internationally adopted children in the mix. At least five families, including the pastor and his wife, have adopted children of another race. And this is a small church of only a few hundred. As this is a military community, there is a large amount of diversity. There is also a large Asian culture as many military men have found their spouses overseas. We are not sure how long we will be a part of the military. John’s commitment will be at least through 2011. This will mean at least two more significant moves. However, we feel that the military community will be the perfect community to support our family and the daughter we hope to have join our community.

We are more excited that words could express to meet our daughter and to be parents at last. We know that we will blessed and our daughter will be blessed, and we cannot wait to meet her.

Thank You
September 14, 2007

I don't know who posted this in the comments section but thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed this.

Mommy, I don’t know you yet, and you don’t know me. I’m not even a little person yet, not even conceived … just the “whisper of a tiny angel”. But, God already knows all about me. He knows what I’ll look like, what my giggle will sound like, the facial expressions I’ll make, and what my favorite things will be. Most of all, He’s really excited about the day He has planned for us to meet … when He will start writing my chapters in the story of your life.

He is already taking care of me … From the very beginning of time, He planned for you to be my Mom. There will never be even a second of my life when I’m unwanted or unloved, because He and You already want me, and I’m not even born yet! What an amazing thing!

I don’t yet have a voice, but if I did, I think I would try to reach across time and tell you how excited I am to be your daughter, and that I am as impatient to meet you as you are to meet me. God has each of us in our special places right now until just the right time, and when that time comes, it will be perfect. Waiting for you in His hands,

Your baby girl

Home Study is a Go
September 22, 2007

Well, it's official. We are doing our home study next week. In fact, it looks like we will be doing our entire home study this next week. The study is usually three visits, but because our social worker is travelling from Orlando (and meeting with another family in Tallahassee on the way) she is going to do all three visits at once. She asked if we'd rather her just do two and then we could meet halfway later for the third. We said we'd rather pay her room and board and do all three since who the heck knows when JB would have time do drive halfway to Orlando. So Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday it is!

So, I've been getting advice on Hannah's Prayer, my online support group. Basically the bottom line is, we are supposed to be ourselves and just show her that we have a safe home to raise a child in. So that's what we'll be doing. Being ourselves. Of course, that doesn't mean I am not going to clean like crazy. Or as crazy as I can with this cold making me have to sit down every few minutes.

So it should be an interesting week. I'll keep you posted!

Home Study Q & A
September 23, 2007

It is Sunday. I am at home, catching up on work, while JB is on call the entire day. Sunday call stinks! He left this morning and won't be home until Monday morning. Hopefully, if he sleeps tonight, we'll get to spend some time together on Monday. If he didn't, he'll sleep all day Monday.


Yesterday was a fun day. It has rained most of the weekend due to this tropical depression that swung near us. As a result, we couldn't walk Scrubs. So instead, we played hide-and-go-seek in the house with him in the morning. He loves this. One of us hides and he finds us, gets a treat, and then plays it with the other person. It also teaches him to "come" so that's good. Our dog teacher suggested it. Later in the evening, when the rain had died down for a bit, we went to the beach and played Frisbee. Scrubs is now catching the Frisbee in his mouth sometimes which is quite exciting. He just loves the water. Of course, that meant a bath when we got home. He's getting better about baths.


Yesterday, I posted about my home study. My mother-in-law posted a question about this:

Wendi, do you actually know what she is going to do-maybe someone who has gone thru this has given you some ideas? Does she just pretend to not be in your home and observe or does she interview you about your meal plan/diet, television preferences and the like all day?Or does she just act like a friend visiting and hang out? And will she be there all day for the three days or come and go between your home and the one in Tallahassee?

So, she will spend a few hours with us tomorrow evening. Then she'll get a hotel. On Tuesday she'll interview each of separately for about an hour. Then she'll go back to our hotel. Then on Wednesday, another short meeting with the two of us.


I have been seeking advice from others on my online support group. Here are some of the comments I have received. Some of these are from my friend Amy (her link is on the side). Amy always knows what to do!

• I wouldn't be concerned with anything else. They just want to see where you live so they can vouch for you and feel confident you have a safe home. Safe doesn't mean baby-proofed at this point, but I suppose they don't want to see 20 cats and smell cat pee, or see roaches crawling around, your porch falling off your house, or your neighbors smoking crack out in the street. I don't think you'd have a problem with any of those.
• Our caseworker also wanted to know that we knew where the nearest hospital was, what schools are in the area, and had a fire escape plan for our home. A fire extinguisher is a good
• investment, and smoke detectors in each bedroom are a must. Even if they aren't yet installed, know whether you'll need to put one in somewhere.
• The social worker asked about us, how we met, what we believed, what we thought our parenting styles would be like. Lots of questions in an interview fashion. It was very relaxed and comfortable.
• I agree with the previous posts...you will clean like you never have before! I remember our SW coming for our domestic adoption and she didn't even want to see the baby room! I insisted that she take a look *lol* I bet she was amused...last year we were where you are right now...pursuing adoption from Haiti and also on the waiting list for domestic adoption.
• Oh yeah, I showed our caseworker our GARAGE! lol Like she cared! She was like, "Oh, that's nice."

So that's just a few bits of advice. I'm sure she'll look at the house, we'll talk, and then she'll go. I'll know more afterwards and definitely update you all.
I hear they also check on your pets. I hope Scrubs behaves and doesn't jump on her head like he did to me last night while I was on the phone with Kelsey!

Same Place

September 13, 2007

Yesterday was a little bit of a crazy day.

Just before I was getting ready to leave my house for my friend Jodi's house for brunch, Jodi called. A couple women couldn't come, and that meant four of us driving across town to Jodi's when Jodi could easily just come to our side of town (one person driving as opposed to four). We decided to do a last minute flip-flop, and instead, the brunch was held at my house. This was actually nice for me so as I didn't have to take quite as long off from work.

Around 4pm, Tiffany dropped her son William off at my house for about 20 minutes. Being the great wife she is, she wanted to run up to the hospital and fill her husband Matt's truck up with gas so he didn't have to do it when he got off at 8 or 9pm. He doesn't have a car seat in his truck so she needed to leave William with me for a few minutes. As she was leaving she told me that if JB happened to get off early to let her know, and she could pick him up. (Remember, John and I only have one car so if I want the car during the day I have to take him in.) I appreciated this offer but knew there was no way JB would get off that early.

I was wrong. A few minutes later John called. He had gotten off nearly two hours early! Yay! Tif picked him up, and we had enough time to sit down and have dinner (I cooked) and go for a walk (with the dog of course) before heading to Bible Study.

We are pretty sure we have decided to attend this new church that meets right outside of base. I think the name is Crossroads? I can't ever remember the name as they just changed it and I keep wanting to call it the old name even though I never went there when it was named the old name! How pathetic is that?! Anyways, the home fellowship meets every Wednesday night just a few miles outside of base, in Shalimar.

Last night during the study I realized that out of the six couples in the room, four of us had dealt with some very difficult infertility situations. One couple had a daughter but a bad delivery resulted in a hysterectomy, and they had adopted their second daughter. Another couple had lost three children, the last one at 26 weeks after a hard fight for life. They still do not have children. I believe another couple who has two grown sons dealt with repetitive miscarriages as well. How amazing is that? I have prayed for a group that I could get support and not feel like the only woman in America who can't schedule her pregnancy like she can a vacation and then we end up in this tiny home fellowship far from alone in this journey. God is always faithful! This is the same church that has probably a half dozen families who have adopted both domestically and internationally including the pastor and his wife who, after raising two children, adopted two more mixed race children.

Anyways, this made me feel wonderful. As I have mentioned previously, I am doing sooo much better with infertility. A new dog and a new medication regimen (Ummm ... not taking any!) has really helped my outlook and emotions, but there are still hard moments, hard days, and tear filled experiences where I covet what I don't have.

I am so blessed that the Lord has brought JB and I to the same place with adoption. I had often worried that John would not have his heart in this as much as I would. I always felt it was easy for a mom. You are home everyday with the child and bonding can come easier. But what if JB didn't bond with this child like he would our own, biological child?

If anything, things have flip-flopped. I am still struggling "dreaming" about being a mom. JB on the other hand is reading books, doing research, and talking about our daughter all the time. I wandered into the baby section of the BX the other day intent on buying something to hold onto for the future, but I still couldn't do it! I lasted about 15 seconds! I know it sounds dumb, but for some reason it is sooo hard for me. John on the other hand would probably be the one ready to decorate a nursery right now. He talks of our daughter often and prays for her and her family. She isn't born yet .... but John tells me he thinks of her often. And I am getting there.

Home Study Q & A
September 23, 2007


It is Sunday. I am at home, catching up on work, while JB is on call the entire day. Sunday call stinks! He left this morning and won't be home until Monday morning. Hopefully, if he sleeps tonight, we'll get to spend some time together on Monday. If he didn't, he'll sleep all day Monday.


Yesterday was a fun day. It has rained most of the weekend due to this tropical depression that swung near us. As a result, we couldn't walk Scrubs. So instead, we played hide-and-go-seek in the house with him in the morning. He loves this. One of us hides and he finds us, gets a treat, and then plays it with the other person. It also teaches him to "come" so that's good. Our dog teacher suggested it. Later in the evening, when the rain had died down for a bit, we went to the beach and played Frisbee. Scrubs is now catching the Frisbee in his mouth sometimes which is quite exciting. He just loves the water. Of course, that meant a bath when we got home. He's getting better about baths.


Yesterday, I posted about my home study. My mother-in-law posted a question about this:

Wendi, do you actually know what she is going to do-maybe someone who has gone thru this has given you some ideas? Does she just pretend to not be in your home and observe or does she interview you about your meal plan/diet, television preferences and the like all day?Or does she just act like a friend visiting and hang out? And will she be there all day for the three days or come and go between your home and the one in Tallahassee?

So, she will spend a few hours with us tomorrow evening. Then she'll get a hotel. On Tuesday she'll interview each of separately for about an hour. Then she'll go back to our hotel. Then on Wednesday, another short meeting with the two of us.


I have been seeking advice from others on my online support group. Here are some of the comments I have received. Some of these are from my friend Amy (her link is on the side). Amy always knows what to do!

• I wouldn't be concerned with anything else. They just want to see where you live so they can vouch for you and feel confident you have a safe home. Safe doesn't mean baby-proofed at this point, but I suppose they don't want to see 20 cats and smell cat pee, or see roaches crawling around, your porch falling off your house, or your neighbors smoking crack out in the street. I don't think you'd have a problem with any of those.
• Our caseworker also wanted to know that we knew where the nearest hospital was, what schools are in the area, and had a fire escape plan for our home. A fire extinguisher is a good
• investment, and smoke detectors in each bedroom are a must. Even if they aren't yet installed, know whether you'll need to put one in somewhere.
• The social worker asked about us, how we met, what we believed, what we thought our parenting styles would be like. Lots of questions in an interview fashion. It was very relaxed and comfortable.
• I agree with the previous posts...you will clean like you never have before! I remember our SW coming for our domestic adoption and she didn't even want to see the baby room! I insisted that she take a look *lol* I bet she was amused...last year we were where you are right now...pursuing adoption from Haiti and also on the waiting list for domestic adoption.
• Oh yeah, I showed our caseworker our GARAGE! lol Like she cared! She was like, "Oh, that's nice."

So that's just a few bits of advice. I'm sure she'll look at the house, we'll talk, and then she'll go. I'll know more afterwards and definitely update you all.
I hear they also check on your pets. I hope Scrubs behaves and doesn't jump on her head like he did to me last night while I was on the phone with Kelsey!


Home Study #1
September 24, 2007


I feel very confident that tonight will go fine. Amy should be here to do the home study, stage I, around 6:30pm. However, so far today, things haven't exactly gone smoothly.


For one thing, JB didn't get any sleep last night on call. This means that he is trying to sleep now while I work and try to keep the bird, the dog, and the Wendi, quiet. Good thing for our solid walls and ear plugs. (This also means that he needs the house sooo cold. I end up freezing while I work.)


However, when Scrubs kept barking in his kennel for ninety minutes, I finally went it to see what the problem was. The dog had cut his foot.


That meant I had to wake JB up an hour into his sleep. There was no way I could objectively look at his foot without JB's help so out he came one hour into a midday attempt at catching up on sleep to tell me that in fact the cut was pretty superficial but that I was right to get him up because it did look worse than that. At the same time that Scrubs was bleeding all over the kitchen, he lost a tooth and started bleeding out of his mouth too.


Sigh ...


So I'm trying to get some work done before I spend some more time trying to clean up the house, excluding the bedroom of course so that JB can try to get some rest. I think he is going to take Scrubs to the dog park for a bit later this afternoon so I can really scrub the floors and vacuum.


I'll be sure to update you all on the home study soon!


House is Clean
September 2,

Well, after JB woke up from his nap, he took Scrubs to the dog park in Niceville so I could get some cleaning done -- uninterrupted. I just got a call from our social worker telling me she was running an hour late, but since she isn't supposed to be here until 6:30, I couldn't figure out what she meant. Then I realized. She thought we were eastern time zone! This meant that if she wasn't running late, she would have been here in like 10 minutes!!! Yikes! John is still at the dog park, and I'm still in my t-shirt and shorts. So, it's a good thing she is running late! Everyone seems to think we are EST since we are in Florida, but no, we are almost in Alabama. We are CST!


Anyways, since I cleaned so much, I thought it a good time to show you some photos of our house. Nice and clean!

Newly decorated guest room!

Our bedroom

Flower bed outside

1 down 2 to go

September 24, 2007

It is 6:55am, and JB just left! This is amazing! He was here when the sun was up! Wow! He starts a new rotation today -- Orthopedic Surgery -- word is JB wants to be just like his role model, Dave. (Okay, just kidding. I mean, he would like to be like Dave, but he doesn't want to be a surgeon. At all.) But the next two weeks are supposed to be a very nice rotation for John! Yay! It will be wonderful to have him around more.


So our home study went great. Amy was very nice, and the questions were very easy. I know my mother-in-law would want to hear the exact type of questions that were asked, so let me see if I can reflect properly.

• Why did you choose to adopt?
• Why did you choose China?
• What do you feel about your daughter's birthparents? (What kind of sterotypes do you have about him/her/them?
• Have you been around children at all?
• Questions about our home? Which room would we give the child? Etc.
• Are you ready for the adjustment issues you might face? (I actually learned a lot here. Like if you give the child timeout, you should do it near you becauase they fear abandonmnet. Also, the child will probably want to sleep in your room -- many parents let them in their bed to battle the loneliness. Rumor is they often regret this decision.)

That was really about it. She met Scrubs who got so stinkin' excited he started dribbling on the floor again. I think I have decided he MUST be OUT when guests arrive. If he has to wait to come out of his kennel to meet them, he just can't stand the excitement and ends up peeing on the floor. Well, at least she knows I can clean up urine well.


Anyways, this happened during the first few minutes she was here. During the last few minutes, I accidentally left the laundry room door open, while JB was getting a map out of the car to help Amy find her hotel, and Scrubs got out and was playing in JB's tilled dirt in the front yard. Amy actually found him and dragged him in! Oh well. At least she knows we are human. I kept talking in very kind tones to the dog while silently saying a lot of nice things. Didn't he know we were trying to impress her?!


But, seriously, it was a good visit. Today, I will meet with her for an hour just me, and then JB will meet with her an hour just him. I will, of course, update you.


Home Study is Done Dude
September 27, 2007


Well, our Home Study is now done!


Yesterday we visited with Amy one-on-one ... first me and then JB. For the sake of my mother-in-law :) I can tell you that she asked us about:

• our childhood
• our marriage
• infertility
• the decision to adopt
• how we resolve conflict
• how we would describe ourselves
• how we would describe our spouse
• how we would describe our parents
• our experience parenting
• etc.

It was a pretty detailed interview. Right after we were done, we took off to puppy class with Scrubs so I didn't have a chance to update my blog.
Then this morning, Amy met with us as a couple one last time before JB took off for work, and I finished things up with her. During this interview I learned a few things!

• I learned that we are actually moving very quickly through this paper chase! I thought we were taking forever, but she said we were very quick paper-returners!
• I learned that, as best she could guess, we could expect a "log-in date" of somewhere in January or February with China. This is when the official "wait time" begins. It is currently estimated at 22 months from "log-in date". So it will be nice to have an official start to our waiting. At this point, I will be very pleased if our daughter gets to join us in this home.
• I learned that our physician dated our physicals on a different date than when it was notarized. This means that we have to get the physician to redo the sheet and have it re-notarized.
• I learned that JB's employment letter needs some wording added to its notarization. The notary's stamp wasn't detailed enough.
• I learned that we do need to get police clearance "certificates" saying we have not committed a crime in this county. (This is funny because it is only for one county! We could have committed a crime somewhere else.) Okay, not really, but still -- what good is a clearance for a county?
• I learned that it is okay if these clearances are not letters (since I can't find a county willing to provide a letter.)
• I learned (okay I already knew this) that I still need to get a new copy of our birth and marriage certificates. (I've been putting this off.)
• I learned that we have to get a $500 home study "update" yearly while we wait for our daughter to join us.
• I learned that we have to re-adopt our daughter in the US so that she has a US birth certificate. We can skip this, but it could end up making her life difficult as she gets older.

Otherwise, we are progressing nicely. Unfortunately, we did end up having to pay quite a bit for Amy's travel to the Home Study.
I am doing my best to continue to just handle one thing at a time and not look to closely at the big picture. If I look at all the things, I get overwhelmed especially when you add to that my own jobs and other responsibilities. We are excited to be a bit closer to the day our daughter joins us.


A Day at the Zoo
September 30, 2007

Saturday, we dropped Scrubs off at our friend Heather's house a couple doors down from us and headed for a day on the town! First stop was the zoo in Gulf Breeze, about forty-five minutes west of us. We were connecting with some of the people we have met through our Yahoo group for parents of Chinese daughters. There was one other family that I have been in touch via email with that I was hoping would make it. They have two daughters. But mom got sick, and they couldn't make it. In the end it was us and two other families. One was a married couple with four year Isabella -- what a precocious kid! The other was a single mother and her daughter Aslan. (China has now closed down adoptions for singles so she got in just in time). We had a great time and definitely feel this group is a great thing to be a part of. It gives our adoption a real, tangible, end result.

This is Isabella feeding the ducks


JB feeding "Gabby" the giraffe -- he thought it was great that he could get "Gabby" (also his sister-in-law's name) to eat out of his hand! He said, "Wendi, you have to get a picture of THAT!" :)




Look at that cow's tounge!

Aslan feeding the animals. I couldn't get either Aslan or Isabella to respond to the camera!

After the day at the zoo we made a stop at Target for some things we needed and also some items for another care package for Matt. Then we went to lunch at the Crab Trap. We tried to eat at three other places, but we realized a lot of places around here are closed around 3:00 (the inbetween lunch and dinner time).
It was about 4:00 when we went back to pick up Scrubs. Heather had planned on taking him back to our house and crating him if he got to be too much for her, her two six year old labs, and her two-year-old son Sam. But he stayed with them the whole day! She said he is a great puppy and did wonderfully with her son and the other dogs. (She also has a great fenced-in yard for him to play in -- something we don't have yet.)
She told me Scrubs didn't sleep much while he was there -- he was way too excited by seeing Sully and Ceasar (her dogs). I could definitely tell. Scrubs usually sleeps about 5-6 hours during the daytime hours so no naps was a lot for him. When he came home, he fell out on the sofa! (I also napped with him!)

Scrubs kind of defeats the purpose of a blanket if he only uses half of it. Look how big he is! He now weights almost 40 pounds. He weighed 15 when we first got him.

I plan to watch Heather's dogs this upcoming weekend. I think I am going to try to have them over here, but I can also take them back to their house too if I want. It is such a blessing to have someone who can dog sit for us so we could spend the day out!


Adoption Moves Forward
October 4, 2007


I sent the last bit of paperwork to our home study social worker, Amy. Hopefully, we will get this packet from her by week's end. From there, we have to send our packet to the immigration office. It could take as long as ninety days in their office before we will be ready to send our information to China. At this point, we are hoping for a January or February "log-in" date. This is the date that China officially tells us we are "waiting". It is at this point that the wait begins.


The current estimate on wait is 22 months; however, it is steadily increasing month-by-month. Currently, China is processing 7-15 "log-in" dates per month. When there are actually 30-ish days in a month, you see how this would put them behind. The number of people waiting, the number of "vacation" days employees take in China (apparently they take days fairly often), and the amount of orphanages participating all affects the number of people they process.


Yesterday, during our weekly home study, the men gathered at one home for a study while the women and children gathered at another to make cards for a family in the church (who I don't know) who delivered a premature baby and is currently staying at the Ronald McDonald House in Pensacola.


Normally, sitting around making cards for a new baby -- putting pink stinkers everywhere and watching a dozen kids run around would have been torture for me. It's amazing how healed my heart is. I can truly say that infertility is now a passing problem instead of a daily occurrence for me. I don't think this is something that can happen without time, healing, and prayer. Thank you to those of you who prayed for my heart during the last four and a half years. It is such a relief not to fight back tears constantly. JB and I spent half of our married life dealing with infertility. I prayed so hard that I would just not be in daily pain. I can honestly say that I am not in daily pain, and I am so glad and thankful for that. It is something only the Lord can bring.


We are excited about becoming parents, no matter how long the wait may (or may not) be.


Gift from Friends
October 5, 2007 I never reveal who gives us gifts on the blog. I just don't ever want to make people feel uncomfortable. However, this pink t-shirt (for me) and this pink onesie (sp?) (for her) came in the mail today. Our "stash" is growing (and I love it!) Both of these will definitely be put to good use! I will wear this shirt before but will definitely wear it on our trip to China. How cool is this?! Thanks friends!

Parents in May
October 22, 2007


I have refrained from writing about this on my blog for almost six weeks now.

That refraining is now over. Here's the news I have been wanting to share for so long.

It appears that JB and I will be parents in May.

Now before you go and start asking if we are pregnant, the answer is no. However, our lives were completely rocked about six weeks ago when we were asked to be parents of a baby due to be born in May.

In the next few weeks/months, I will probably write more about the family that has asked this of us. But for now, I will just leave it at that. The reason I have not shared more is that this is something two families are dealing with, and out of respect for that family, I'd like to leave them with their privacy.

I will say that JB and I are amazingly honored, excited, thrilled, terrified, and overwhelmed. We never thought we would adopt domestically or adopt an infant.

I guess God had other plans, and boy are we glad that He did!

The reason I have chosen to write about this now, is that, after talking with JB, I realized that this blog is an outlet for me -- a way to share what is going on in my heart. There has been a lot going on in there that I have not shared. There are now new developments, and it is becoming increasingly difficult to blog without blogging about this topic. Since I am very honest and open on this blog, I am sure you can understand this.

We were okay with waiting to share, until this week, when there were some new developments that have caused some need for prayer and have provided me with some angst. And I wanted to share that with those of you who read this blog. Many of you pray for us faithfully, and I want to ask for that prayer.

So let me explain the developments.

When we were approached about becoming in parents in May, JB and I took the time to think and pray about this. We quickly knew two things:

(1) We wanted to adopt this baby.
(2) We still wanted to adopt our China baby.

We immediately contacted our adoption agency (America World). The rule had been that any concurrent adoption or pregnancy would require the China adoption to be halted. This seemed difficult to imagine since the wait was already so long. Unbeknownst to us, America World was, that same week, updating their policy to allow for people to proceed with another adoption or pregnancy as long as the children would enter the home at least 12 months apart. This was great news to us! If we adopted this baby in May, with the wait times as they are, it would be another 18 months (at least) before our China baby came home.

This all occurred right before our home study. We began working with a lawyer in Florida in regards to our domestic adoption. He was pretty confident we could use this home study for both adoptions. We still aren't sure if this is accurate or not but are hoping that we can. We decided to proceed with the home study in the hopes that it could be used for at least one of the adoptions and hopefully both.

A few days after the home study was completed, we got word from America World that yes, in fact, they would allow us to proceed with both adoptions at the same time! We were ecstatic! Nothing could be sweeter than to be able to adopt this baby in May and move forward with the China adoption at the same time.

I say all that to say that this week, our agency contacted us again. They are not sure that China will support their new policy. We, of course, think this is absurd. The wait for China is over two years!!! By the time our China adoption went through, this baby would be over a year and a half old.

However, for now, all we can do is wait while America World hashes things out with the CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs). If China does not allow us to do both, we will most likely have to halt the China adoption for approximately 12-18 months -- until our "May baby" is a certain age (6 months or 1 year -- I am not sure.)

Here's what we do know:

(1) We are ecstatic to adopt this baby in May.
(2) We will proceed with the May adoption no matter what.
(3) We will proceed with the China adoption no matter what; however, we pray that there does not have to be a "delay" in this adoption.

Here's what we are asking you to pray for:

(1) The family of our "May baby" -- especially the birth mom.
(2) Health for our "May baby".
(3) That our China baby comes to us in the timing the Lord has in mind. He knows who she is so if that means waiting longer for her, we will wait. (But we don't want to!)

I will be sharing more with you in the weeks and months to come I am sure. We do plan to find out the sex of our May baby.

This post has been fairly matter-of-fact. That's the best way we know how to approach all this right now. A lot can change between now and this baby's birth date. We are unbelievably blessed that this birth mom has asked us, when we weren't even asking to be picked. We are unbelievably blessed that we may be parents in a mere seven months! We are very excited. However, we are, as we describe it "guardedly excited" -- protecting our hearts during this long wait.

I am glad to finally, allow you all to share this long wait with us.


Wow!
October 23, 2007


Wow is right. What a great number of comments we received on yesterday's blog. If you didn't comment, please do! This blog will serve as a reminder to all of you who faithfully stood by and supported us during the long four years of infertility and now adoption. I want to be able to read those months and years from now! JB and I sat down and read many of them together. Thank you for your kind words. It is so wonderful to be celebrating this with so many people -- many of whom we do not even know.

To say our lives have been turned upside down by this recent development is a bit of an understatement. Which is why, quite honestly, my blog has been mostly dog-focused lately. The major thing going on was the major thing I couldn't blog about so I had to really focus on other things. Little Scrubs is good for that!

We went from thinking we would be the parents of a nearly one year old little girl sometime around 2010 to finding out that, no, in actuality, we are going to be parents in 2008, one month before our tenth wedding anniversary, to a brand new little baby that could, possibly, be a boy.


JB and I, obviously, never saw this coming. We had basically made the decision that we would never adopt in the U.S. I know many of you reading this have or are, and are very happy with that adoption. We, however, didn't feel comfortable with the openness of many adoptions in the U.S. or the risks involved in the birth mother changing her mind. We also felt like there were plenty of families who only wanted a white child. Since race didn't phase us, we had agreed that we wouldn't pursue a white adoption in the U.S. in an open format.

We are now, proceeding to adopt a white infant in the U.S. in an open adoption format. Go figure.

There were and are many questions/concerns about how this open format will play out. Rest assured JB and I asked ourselves all of those questions and more. In the end though, after lots of discussion, I asked him, "Would we ever say no?" The answer?! NO WAY! And that, was the last chapter on the questions and concerns. They really didn't matter anymore. This was our child!

As I said yesterday, we are planning to find out the sex of the little one. I, actually, am hoping I'll get to be there for that doctor's appointment! When we learn it, we will share it. We also are both hoping to be at the delivery and were thrilled with this. I was hoping at least I could be there, but to find out that JB could be there too was thrilling! While I have yet to step into the baby section of any store (this accomplishment will be a blog in and of itself!) we have started talking about names. But shucks for all of you, that'll be a secret until the little one makes his/her entrance into the world. Since Tara so vehemently protested the naming of our dog we had no idea how badly she might protest the proposed name of our child?! Ha ha! Just kidding Tara -- but we did use that example when deciding not to share. Everyone has a bully or someone in their life that makes them hate a certain name. So we are taking my cousin Sarah's lead and not telling our names!

Other than that, there is a lot of waiting. After numerous conversations, we feel confident that this birthmom has no intention of changing her mind, and we are proceeding with that plan. To say she is a wonderful and unselfish person does not do her justice. She is making an incredibly self-less decision. She is giving up nine months of her life to give this child life and change our lives forever!

So, there it is. There's what's actually going on in our lives outside of Scrubs eating pairs of socks. Thanks for sharing in our excitement with us. We think this child will have quite a bit of attention showered on him/her after such a long wait to add to our family. We can't wait!




Home Study

October 26, 2007

Yesterday, we received our completed Home Study. I was excited to turn around and put it back in the mail and send it to the Immigration Office. However, I spoke with our Family Coordinator at America World, and she still doesn't know whether China will allow us to do both adoptions at the same time.


I spoke with Leah for quite a long period of time, and unfortunately, she couldn't provide me with any clearer answer as to what is going to happen here. Apparently a lot of China's "rules" are very loose and not concrete. Policies are often "open to interpretation", and they aren't sure how to interpret this. She said that she can't tell us how long we would have to wait or whether we would lose any of the money we have already paid. She also said that we should wait to submit our paperwork to the Immigration offices for a few more weeks. We have to send approximately $800 with our paperwork, and we don't want to make an $800 error. So we are going to wait and see whether China has more details in the next two weeks.


Waiting is never easy, but two things make it easier. One of those things is the hope for our adoption in May. The other thing is the fact that with every bit of waiting, I think that that is bringing us closer to the daughter that is supposed to be ours. The day we log in can make all the difference in the little girl we bring home. I trust that the child we are supposed to have is in God's hands and that brings me great comfort.


So for now, please pray that China lets us proceed with both adoptions at the same time. At this rate, it would still be over EIGHTEEN MONTHS between adoptions! That is a LONG time. So for them to make us wait until this new baby is a year old, seems rather silly. But again, we trust that this brings us the child we are destined to have.


Oh, and yes, Kelsey is here! She came into town yesterday afternoon. We enjoyed a walk, dinner, and then went out to lunch today. I just love Kelsey so much and am so blessed to catch up with her. I'll include some pics later.


Good News!
November 2, 2007


I just received this email and a phone call from our family coordinator. So you understand the email, "Concurrent family building" is doing two adoptions or one adoption/pregnancy at the same time. Basically this email means that they think we are going to be able to proceed with both adoptions at the same time. They want us to wait another week before sending our paperwork to immigration, but it looks like we will be able to move forward on the waiting list while we celebrate our May baby. Awesome!


Dear China Families,


I am writing to thank you for your continued patience and trust with us on the issue of moving forward on concurrent family building. America World has continue to advocate on this issue with the CCAA over the last few weeks and are pleased to announce that the CCAA has posted a favorable response regarding their policy on concurrent family building.


At this time we are happy to announce that America World will now again be accepting concurrent family building applications. We will continue to clarify the interpretation of this policy with the CCAA throughout next week. Once we have received confirmation on the interpretation of this policy, we will begin the process of reviewing concurrent family building applications and contacting families.


Please feel free to contact your family coordinator with any questions. Questions pertaining to the interpretation of this policy will be answered next week once we have confirmation from the CCAA.


Again thank you for your patience as you waited on a decision from the CCAA. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.


Blessings,


Anna M. Graham
Asia Program Director


Baby Update
November 5, 2007


Our awesome birthmom had a doctor's appointment this morning. Our little "May baby" is doing great. Heartbeat was 156. She will find out the sex sometime around the second week of December. Yes, we plan to find out. Yes, we have picked out names. We have a first name for both a boy and a girl but no middle names yet. No, we don't plan to tell anyone! You'll have to be surprised.
And if you complain about that too much maybe I'll withhold the sex from you all too! :)


Finding Out the Sex
November 6, 2007


Just spoke to birth mom. We find out the sex on November 21st. Unfortunately, birth mom doesn't live near us so I won't be able to be there, however, she promised me a phone call right after to give us the news. Yes, we want to know! Yes, we want her to tell us! And yes, I'll post on my blog at some point in the days following to share with you all.


So any bets on the sex? Birth mom thinks it's a girl. I have to be honest that JB and I think it's a girl too, but we think that's because we've been so "girl-driven" with the China adoption, it's hard to think of having a boy.


We find out in just a few weeks! Yay!!!


Meet Bri
November 21, 2007

To answer your question . . . yes, we know the sex. However, we don't plan to post it just yet. We are making sure our family all knows first, and with work schedules, this can be a little tricky. So, hang on. I promise to have it posted here within the next twenty-four hours or so.
However, in the meantime, during my conversation this morning with our birthmom, she told me it was time to "spread the word" as to her identity. So today, I spread the word! I thought it time, and the birth mom thought it was time, and her mom thought it was time . . . to introduce her to those of you who follow my blog.
I have wanted to introduce her for quite some time, but the time just didn't feel right. I felt it important that their family was able to share the news in their own way and at their own speed. However, from the beginning, the birthmom was very open and did not want to be anonymous. We agreed we would share it with people when the perfect moment availed itself.
It's availing . . . here it is. For those of you who knew me, "way back when," you probably know this person. Here is actually a picture of me, holding our birthmom when she was just a few months old. I would have been about 13 or 14. How weird is that?

Actually, to make things even more interesting, our birthmom was the junior bridesmaid in our wedding back in 1998. Here's another photo.



For those of you who have only know me recently or through this blog, you may remember "meeting" her when she came to visit us in June. Here is a recent picture of the two of us.

That's right, our birthmom is Brianna (or "Bri" as she likes to be called.)

So, for those of you who don't know who Brianna is, here's a quick jaunt down memory lane which will eventually bring us up to the present.

Before I was born, my parents lived in a townhouse and had some great friends: Roy and Joan. Fast forward a few years, I have joined the picture, and Roy and Joan have a son: Brant. I started babysitting for Brant when I was eleven years old. When I was thirteen (and Brant was seven,) he passed away. Six months later, Brianna was adopted into Roy and Joan's family at two days old.

Until I left for college in 1995, Brianna "Bri" and I were . . . inseperable. Here's a few pictures of us when we were both a lot younger.

I used to hang out over at their house all the time and would babysit Brianna all the time. When I left for college, we continued to stay in touch. Our families have remained very close to this day.

Bri is now seventeen years old. She will be eighteen the day this baby is due! She is also pregnant with our child. Wow. That's amazing to say. She is pregnant with our child.

Despite the fact that Bri is only seventeen, she has handled what has happened to her with amazing courage and strength. She could have made a very simple choice. She could have made a choice that no one would have known about. She could have let her life continue on as if nothing had ever happened.

Instead, she chose to give this child life. She also chose to ask JB and I to be the parents of this child. Quite honestly, I am not sure we would have said yes to anyone but Bri. It seemed natural that our families would continue to merge as they have already merged in the past.

Brianna is an amazing young woman. From the beginning, she has made us feel like we are a part of every part of this journey. She will have an ultrasound in January that I will get to be there for. She calls me after every appointment. Joan is sending me the sonogram pictures by Fed-Ex today so I should have them on the blog by week's end! When I suggested Bri give me ideas for a middle name, she told me that the name is up to us. (I have, however, shared our name with her, and she loves it. I am so glad!) She will allow us both to be at the delivery. I am so excited by all these things.

Many of you have questions. We know this family well. How will this adoption play out? We have discussed much of this, but there are many things that we don't have answers for as well. And we are okay with that. We are simply excited about being the parents of this child and helping to raise him/her (ha! I am being careful) up as she/he should go. Our child will have questions, and we will not lie to our child. Our child will know they are adopted. Our child will know who their birthparents are. How much the birthmom is involved in our child's life is something we will handle as the years go by. For now, we just want to hold and love this little child as much as we can.

I also wanted to tell you that Bri and her family read this blog. They read the comments. So PLEASE feel free to share your excitement and joy with us in the comments on this blog. You can leave comments directly for Bri. She will read them! If you have something you want to tell her . . . if you want to thank her . . . feel free. She deserves our thanks. Our lives are forever changed by her choice. We will never be the same.

I love you Bri. From now on, on the blog, the "birthmom" will simply be called Bri. Thank you "little sister" for making our dreams of parenthood a reality. You are awesome!


The Results are In
November 21, 2007

First Photos

November 27, 2007

Thank you to Joan & Bri for sending these next day mail so that I could see them! How cool is this? Wow! In January, I will get to attend an ultrasound appointment with Bri! I can't wait for that.

Here's the complete view of our little guy (who does have a name -- just not one we are sharing yet.)

This is labeled foot so if you can read, you can probably tell that.

This is a hand if you, like me, have trouble with these things.

Guardedly Excited

November 26, 2007

I keep thinking about May. I keep thinking about Bri. I keep thinking about our son. I keep thinking about being a parent. I keep thinking about being a mom.

I've often heard people use the expression that they need to be pinched to convince them that something is real. I always thought people who said that were being a bit dramatic. But lately, I, too, feel the need to be pinched, and I know it isn't because I am being dramatic. I know that this child is real. I know that Bri plans to allow us to raise this child. But can it be real? How can it be real.

In the beginning, when we were first asked to parent this child and after we first said yes, I described our state of emotion as "guardedly excited." Someone asked me if they could have a shower for me and I told them, "after the baby comes home." I really meant that. When the baby came home, we would celebrate. Until then, I would continue on as if everything were exactly the same. I would continue on as if I didn't have my hopes up. I kept picturing the phone ringing and the nurse on the other end telling me that my test was negative -- again. I couldn't bear the thought of another call like that. So I pretended that while a baby in May was a "possibility," it wasn't something very tangible. Not tangible until I could hold that child in my arms. Not tangible until I signed the papers that made him mine.

A few weeks ago, JB and I discussed that sentiment. He enlightened me to the fact that while waiting until the baby comes home is a good idea in theory, it is not very practical. There has to be a certain amount of preparation that goes into welcoming a child into your home. All right. I'll buy one bottle and one pack of diapers. How's that? He smiled but one of those smiles that says, "Give me a break!" Like when he calls me "sweetheart" when we are fighting. He doesn't mean it. Not at that moment anyway.

When we first started trying to have children, I had everything picked out. I had names picked out and nursery themes picked out. I knew the way we would tell our parents, and the way I would tell JB. Each month that went by and each treatment that failed, I seemed to let one of those dreams go. After our fifth IUI, I told John that I didn't want to discuss names anymore. After our second failed IVF, I had stopped thinking about anything related to being pregnant or having a child. It was somewhere in that period that I stopped entering baby sections of stores. I stopped attending baby showers. I ordered my gifts online and had them shipped direct to the recipient. Thank goodness for the Internet!

I listen to people who are in the pre-trying-era of their marriage talk about "when we have kids," and I literally, cringe. I cringe because I did that. I talked like that. I dreamed like that. I want to tell them to be guarded. I want to tell them not to assume that it will happen the way they have it pictured.

But then I think back to the early years of our marriage -- when struggling with infertility wasn't something we talked about on a daily basis. I long for those days, and I would never take those days from another couple. They may never experience the quietness of a home. And even if they may be one of the 1 in 6 couples who live with infertility, they don't need to feel that way any earlier than necessary.

Today, the topic of showers came up again. A shower means I have to register. I have to go into a baby store and pick out things for a nursery. I have to have a theme. A few weeks ago, I finally opened myself up to talking about names, but the idea of going into a baby department is still completely intimidating. I called JB. Can't I have the shower after the baby is born? He said something about me being "not practical" again. We need some things. We currently have the five gifts that people have given us on a shelf in a closet. I hardly doubt that number of items is adequate in welcoming home a child.

When is the right time to think that this may really happen? I know that even people who bear a child on their own go through some trepidation until the child is finally in their crib in their own nursery in their own home. But surely this amount of trepidation is not normal.

This trepidation has nothing to do with worry about Bri changing her mind. People have asked me if I worry about that. I only need to tell you that you need to meet Bri and talk to her on the phone one time to know that this is not someone who will change her mind. I also know that the Lord will put this child where he should be, and as hard as that might be, I feel I can let Him do that. I know this is what she wants to do, and she knows this is what we want to do. So I'm not sure what the fear is. But it's there. It's a fear that at some point, I will wake up, and this will all be a dream.

If it is a dream, it's a dream I'd like to have again.

Approval

November 28, 2007

It's official!


America World has given us permission to move forward with our China adoption after hovering in a holding pattern for the last month.


This means that we can move forward with our May-baby adoption AND move forward with China at the same time.


We are going to send our paperwork to Immigration, and hopefully, we will have our Dossier submitted to China sometime in the next 3 months. It is therefore my goal to have our Dossier submitted to China by February of 2008. Our approximate wait time from that point would be about 23 months (but this can change at anytime.)


To put it all in perspective, we would be looking at our daughter coming home sometime in the spring of 2010. Our son would be nearing 21 months old at that time. Our daughter will most likely be between 9 and 15 months old so they will be one year (or less) apart.


So, now, to get my packet ready to send to Immigration . . .

It's In the Mail

November 29, 2007

At long last, our packet is on the way to USCIS (US Citizenship and Immigration Services) office in Jacksonville, Florida.

Included in that packet is our home study, copies of our birth certificates, marriage license, cover letter, and a check for $685. This is $70 each for FBI fingerprints which will be assigned at a later date, and $545 for a "processing fee."

Now I have long since quit complaining about how much adoption costs. But does anyone else think that $545 is a lot to "process" our application?! It may just be me here. Oh well.

The check is in the mail!!

Next milestone: fingerprint appointment and approval from USCIS to submit dossier to China -- hopefully by February of next year.

Success!

December 1, 2007

I successfully navigated onto the carpeted area at Target and registered.


The verdict: it wasn't bad at all.


(We actually had fun.)

Returned!!!

December 7, 2007

Our immigration paperwork was . . . returned!


Ughhhh!!!


Apparently the Homeland Security Immigration fees went up, and we didn't know this. They rose from $545 to $670. (Does that rival the cost of your Boards Tara?) The fingerprinting also went up $10 a person -- from $70 each to $80.


We also need a bank check and not a personal check.


Grrrrr . . .


JB and I have always seen ourselves adopting many children. We specifically saw ourselves adopting internationally many times.


But I must admit that this morning, for the first time, I found myself telling JB that one international adoption may be all that I have the patience (and money!) to endure. Originally, I had wanted to look to Ethiopia next due to the fact that the children there are about two weeks old when they go home. But now they we will most likely have the opportunity to parent a newborn (in May!), I told JB that maybe, after China, if we want to adopt again, we look to children in the U.S. that are "unadoptable" due to age (older children have a hard time getting adopted) or physical handical (another adoption prohibitor.)


I was warned repeatedly how difficult international adoption is, and I just feel that each step is so exhausting. Oh it also cost me $15 to send that package certified mail only to have to send it again.


I'll try to get this out today . . . again

Tomorrow is Halfway

December 19, 2007

It has been another hectic holiday-day. So, I think it best to remind myself of the happy things going on right now -- primarily the fact that tomorrow Bri will be halfway done! Keep up the good work Bri! Just 20 more weeks until our XY "May baby" comes home to stay. Sheesh ... I nearly wrote his name on the blog. What a catastrophe that would have been.

Bri & Me

December 26, 2007

On Sunday afternoon, JB and I were able to snag a few hours away and head down to Roy & Joan's house by the beach. It was great to drive on A1A and see our old home and the beach that we grew up with. We also got to spend time with them and with Bri.


Bri looks great and seems to be in great spirits. We are getting very excited for May to come -- both of us for different reasons! She is doing a great job, and I continue to remind her how awesome what she is doing really is. She is getting to give JB and myself such an amazing gift.


We have finalized the baby's full name of which Bri and Joan hold the secret! I will get to see Bri and the baby up-close on ultrasound in January and then I hope to return for a couple of showers in April before the baby is born.


Here are few photos from out afternoon.

Bri and me holding the Dalmatian ornament that Joan gave us each of us when Bri was just a few years old. I have the same ornament on my tree, and Bri has informed her mom that this ornament is moving when she moves! I do have a picture with JB, me, and Bri but I think that one is in Joan's camera.

Bri with Andre Agassi (aka "the Urinator")

Me with my tall friend Joan

Okay, so maybe we cheated just a bit!

Some of you have asked me what the birth "plan" is. Bri and I ironed out some of the details while I was there and are still finalizing how everything will work. For now I can tell you that JB and I are planning to rent a car as soon as we hear that she has gone into labor and head to south Florida to get our son. We won't be at the delivery itself but will get to be there right after the baby is born! We are all getting very excited.

Please continue to pray for Bri. Pray that she will have encouragement, strength, stamina, and a wonderful, smooth delivery. Please pray for little "XY" as well -- that he will continue to grow like crazy inside his safe home. We are so proud of Bri and can't wait until May!


My Favorite Christmas Gift
December 27, 2007

I suppose it is not appropriate to say you have a favorite Christmas gift. However, anyone who saw me open this gift knows that this gift took a special place in my heart. I am pretty sure a huge lump was present in the bottom of my throat.


I have mentioned the STORY PEOPLE on my blog before. I just love them! Some of the sayings are strange but some of them just so perfectly capture an emotion or a state of being.


JB's sister Katie and her new husband Eddie gave me a print for Christmas. Here is a photo of the print which will be in our son's nursery this summer.

"In my dream he told me to hold the secret of his birth safe and teach him when he forgot."

Jacksonville?!?!
January 28, 2008




Sometimes this international adoption process completely overwhelms me.


We received our paperwork from Immigration. It is moving along nicely. As soon as this step is done, we can then compile the documents for our Dossier.


Next step: fingerprints.


We received the paperwork from Immigration to get our fingerprints done. How hard can this be? Well ... pretty hard. We have to go to Jacksonville. Yes, that's right. The Jacksonville as in the five-hour away Jacksonville.


And we can't go on a Saturday or Sunday. We have to go on a Monday through Friday from 8am until 3pm.


This means that JB is going to have to take one of his five remaining "May baby" days off to drive five hours to Jacksonville and five hours back. Everyday we don't get this done is another delay in getting on the waiting list for China.


I know it will all be fine and get done in God's timing, but sometimes it all just seems so overwhelming and so much. I am so thankful for the May baby. I cannot imagine my frustration if it wasn't for the fact that we will have our hands quite full already.


***


In other news, JB and I had a wonderful evening last night. We watched the movie Equilibrium (I really liked it!), ate some leftovers, and went to bed around 10pm. JB wasn't sure how he would sleep as this was his first attempt to flip-flop his sleep back. He slept badly. He was awake from 1am until 5am. Poor guy.


I, on the other hand, had a different problem. I was awake at 5am since this was 6am Fort Lauderdale time. So I made my way out to get a few hours of work for RLSF done. At 8am I started wondering why I hadn't heard Scrubs yet so I made my way into the bedroom. Scrubs was awake all right and had obviously given up in getting JB to wake up. He instead found something else to pass the time -- tearing up one of our devotional books. I guess he doesn't think Moments for Couples is very important to our family.


We went to church. It's the first Sunday we've been in town together and JB has not been on call in about six weeks. Afterwards, we came home and took Scrubs to "fam camp" a huge field around the block from our house that he can play with his frisbee and chase us. He loves going there.


Speaking of Scrubs: Jodi you are right. The dog HATES his "gentle leader" leash. It's always been bad, but it's gotten much worse. He has started hiding from me when I bring it out. Today he hid in the very back of his kennel, and I had to climb in it to get him out. I have ordered another kind of leash that isn't quite as good as the gentle leader but will hopefully do the trick in walking this leash-pulling dog. Only problem is they were out of stock so I have to wait 6-8 weeks for the thing. Ugh!


We also stopped at Target and Publix. Target for baby hangers to hang up some of the gazillions of clothes we have received (Thanks Funky Monkey and Ray & Gabbi). Publix to get food since we went to have breakfast this morning and had no eggs, no milk, no toast, no oatmeal. What has my dear husband been eating for two weeks?!?


Tonight, more relaxing. JB is on a great rotation for the next months. Yippeeee! Family time. Scrubs also starts a new dog class tomorrow night: agility.


Night everyone!
The ultrasound was wonderful. I’ve always dreamed about getting to see my child on an ultrasound. I suppose, in a roundabout way, I got to do that today. He had his mouth open the entire time and was moving around a lot, especially his left arm and hand. Oh, and there aren’t going to be any surprises at this birth. He is definitely a boy!


The best news of all? The small femur measurements that were giving the doctors cause for concern at Bri’s last ultrasound were measuring right-on track today! The baby looks healthy and is moving like crazy and keeping Bri awake at night. He is 1.7 pounds and doing great.


Some of you have asked me about height and "features" of Bri and Chris. Bri is about 5'9". Chris is about 6'0". They are blonde/brunettes with light colored eyes. Folks, we could actually have a newborn son who looks a lot like us. I never thought this might happen, but it really might happen.


I think I may have dinner next week with the entire family including Bri and Chris. If I can get a picture or two, I'll be sure to share.


In other news, I am trying to get a lot of work done to recoop from our vacation while watching the dog in a new house. I have yet to see any of the Kit. family. I think I may shoot for tomorrow. Even though I am here and it feels like it should be vacation, I recognize that it is not vacation and work must go onward.


Resignation
January 23, 2008


It's official. I have decided to resign from my position at Mayo Clinic. This was a very difficult decision eased only by the fact that I have worked away from the office for the last seven months so I have a bit of a transition of leaving my co-workers.

I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Our plan was that when we got pregnant (back in 2003 -- ha!) I would quit work and stay-at-home. Instead, life played things out a bit differently. I have rationalized the money we have spent on infertility treatments by telling myself that had we got pregnant right away, I wouldn't have worked at all. In the end, we came out on the up side if you count the fact that I have worked five years longer than we planned on me working.

I will still do some work with RLSF and other free-lance organizations to help pay for our China adoption, but the fact that work for them is much less time-sensitive means I can do the work when the baby allows. Mayo's work is much more time-sensitive and not as flexible due to the deadline-driven nature of the work. I also think Dr. K needs to have someone in office -- something I obviously cannot do. I also have to do twenty hours a week to keep my benefits. I do not have to do a required number of hours I have to work for RLSF.


I have so enjoyed the last four and a half years that I have worked for Dr. K. and the Cardiovascular Department at Mayo. I was so blessed to have a job I could walk three blocks to each morning through the underground subway from my condo to the Guggenheim building. I wish I could do everything in life I wanted to and not feel overwhelmed or tired, but that isn't possible, so things have to give. Resigning from this job was my first step toward acknowledging that, in fact, we plan to be parents in May.


May baby here we come.


Jacksonville
January 28, 2008


Sometimes this international adoption process completely overwhelms me.


We received our paperwork from Immigration. It is moving along nicely. As soon as this step is done, we can then compile the documents for our Dossier.


Next step: fingerprints.


We received the paperwork from Immigration to get our fingerprints done. How hard can this be? Well ... pretty hard. We have to go to Jacksonville. Yes, that's right. The Jacksonville as in the five-hour away Jacksonville.


And we can't go on a Saturday or Sunday. We have to go on a Monday through Friday from 8am until 3pm.


This means that JB is going to have to take one of his five remaining "May baby" days off to drive five hours to Jacksonville and five hours back. Everyday we don't get this done is another delay in getting on the waiting list for China.


I know it will all be fine and get done in God's timing, but sometimes it all just seems so overwhelming and so much. I am so thankful for the May baby. I cannot imagine my frustration if it wasn't for the fact that we will have our hands quite full already.


***


In other news, JB and I had a wonderful evening last night. We watched the movie Equilibrium (I really liked it!), ate some leftovers, and went to bed around 10pm. JB wasn't sure how he would sleep as this was his first attempt to flip-flop his sleep back. He slept badly. He was awake from 1am until 5am. Poor guy.


I, on the other hand, had a different problem. I was awake at 5am since this was 6am Fort Lauderdale time. So I made my way out to get a few hours of work for RLSF done. At 8am I started wondering why I hadn't heard Scrubs yet so I made my way into the bedroom. Scrubs was awake all right and had obviously given up in getting JB to wake up. He instead found something else to pass the time -- tearing up one of our devotional books. I guess he doesn't think Moments for Couples is very important to our family.


We went to church. It's the first Sunday we've been in town together and JB has not been on call in about six weeks. Afterwards, we came home and took Scrubs to "fam camp" a huge field around the block from our house that he can play with his frisbee and chase us. He loves going there.


Speaking of Scrubs: Jodi you are right. The dog HATES his "gentle leader" leash. It's always been bad, but it's gotten much worse. He has started hiding from me when I bring it out. Today he hid in the very back of his kennel, and I had to climb in it to get him out. I have ordered another kind of leash that isn't quite as good as the gentle leader but will hopefully do the trick in walking this leash-pulling dog. Only problem is they were out of stock so I have to wait 6-8 weeks for the thing. Ugh!


We also stopped at Target and Publix. Target for baby hangers to hang up some of the gazillions of clothes we have received (Thanks Funky Monkey and Ray & Gabbi). Publix to get food since we went to have breakfast this morning and had no eggs, no milk, no toast, no oatmeal. What has my dear husband been eating for two weeks?!?


Tonight, more relaxing. JB is on a great rotation for the next months. Yippeeee! Family time. Scrubs also starts a new dog class tomorrow night: agility.


Night everyone!


Ultrasound Pictures
January 28, 2008

Okay, so JB and I were debating whether we should put this photo on. I am not sure. But here it is anyway. Proof that we are having a boy and another regular ol' photo for good measure. If this is crude, I apologize, but the tech typed something funny on the screen, and, well, it's a fact of life, right? Apologies to anyone who is offended.

Current State of the Kit. Nursery

February 3, 2008

All right Joia, here you go. I finally took a few pictures inside the nursery and also a video. I do not think you will be very impressed. One of JB's fellow classmates, Katie, who is now an Army doc in Texas is due about the same time. Her nursery looks a lot farther along. Katie has tried to encourage me that they moved fast because she went into pre-term labor. However, I can't help but feel slow ... Are we ready? Not even close! I know Bri wants this to come fast. And while I definitely can't, wait, I'm praying it doesn't come too fast! Okay Bri?! Keep him cooking awhile longer while I work on the nursery some more.


Also, if you haven't put in a guess for the baby's details, what are you waiting for folks? Guess away. Good job Bara not leaving all the guessing to the ladies!

Please Pray

Feburary 6, 2008

In other news, please pray for us and for peace and patience with our China adoption. We got word yesterday that the wait time is now up to 27 months. In addition, they are estimating that the wait time will increase from 6 months to 1 year for every year you are on the list. In other words, this could make our wait be as long as four years. And we aren't even on the waiting list yet. We still have to get all of our stuff back from immigration and send in our Dossier before that happens. I was hoping to have that done by February but it is looking like a new goal of March might even be a bit lofty.


We are okay with waiting as we will have our little XY here. I can't imagine the frustration of all these delays if it weren't for his presence and the dream of his presence. But there are some other complications to the wait that we aren't sure how to deal with.


These include the fact that we still want to go back for our embryos. We are okay waiting on this, but neither of us are sure we want to wait seven years (the years for her to get her and then a bit of time after she gets here.) There is a chance, with the new rules about concurrent adoptions, that we could try while we are waiting as baby XY gets a bit older. As, we all know, there are no guarantees that going back means it will work, but we would still need to confirm with our agency that a pregnancy wouldn't cause us to be bumped on the list. But it's complicated. And expensive. Quitting my job at Mayo means I will lose my 50% discount for subsequent IVF's. Each cycle costs about $2000 with the discount. (That means about $4000 without.) We will have to go back at least two more times. Possibly three. We are also paying a monthly storage fee while we wait.


We also may be overseas after residency, and we have to continue to update our home study and some other paperwork for every year we wait which will cost a bit of money. We aren't even sure this can be done from overseas.


This may sound like I am really stressed or really worried about the money. I really am not. I really do feel peace about this. I know the Lord is in charge, and I know he has our daughter picked out already! I just want that peace to continue and for us to continue to trust him during this difficult wait time.

China = simple; May = hard
March 5, 2008

I can now understand why people choose domestic over international adoption. Not that I am regretting our choice to adopt through China. I know that some day we will be so happy we went through all this and won't be able to imagine our life had we not done it. But, seriously, couldn't they make it simpler. Somehow?! I'm serious when I say that if people needed to do this to birth their own children, we woud solve over population problems for sure.
Our May baby adoption is basically done. This included two phone calls with our lawyer, a home study (which they took from our China adoption social worker! This saved us $2,000 to get this redone!), a check, and one signature from each of us. There will be a little more after the little guy joins us in nine weeks, but for the most part, we are done.
Last night JB and I spent two hours scouring our China adoption paperwork. Numerous times JB would just look at me and say, "Take a deep breath. We'll figure it out." There is just so much. I have, honestly, done a lot of it myself. JB works every day so I have communicated with our family coordinator, Leah, asked the questions, and followed the steps, as best I could. But last night, since JB got home at a decent time, I asked him if we could please sit down and look through it all together. I was reaching a panic point.
I had reached a point that I no longer felt able to do it myself. I have a box of hundreds of sheets of paper, instructions, and guidelines. Everything is blending together. Part of the issue is that we have documents coming from four different states. Kentucky and North Carolina require different steps than Minnesota and Florida. (I was born in Florida, JB in North Carolina. We were married in Kentucky, but I work in Minnesota.) Some states require county certification. Some don't. I am now concerned that I did the wrong thing sending our marriage certificate to the state of Kentucky for authentication as it now appears it actually needed county certification first -- something that no other state requires.
JB took a bunch of forms in to work today to be notarized. Thank goodness for Jane in his office who is a notary and for my little copy/fax/scan machine. Both of these have saved us unmeasurable amounts of times and money. I also sent some of these documents to be apostilled. Or is it "sent to the apostille?" (I don't know.) Then I read in the intstructions they should not be apostilled. What? Seriously, I feel like I am spinning in circles with all of it.
I know we are in the home-stretch. We almost have all of this done. After nearly nine months of scrambling, we are almost done. Keep pushing. I just want to make sure we get it all done correctly, and it seems so overwhelming. But we'll get through it.
Oh, and we need to go get passport photos too. Not for our passport. Just to include in our packet. Of course, they say we'll have to get them redone before we travel to China. JB's passport may also expire by the time we go. We'll have to do that then too.
One thing that we did get done successfully last night. We gathered our photos for our "photo page." We still need to take one of the outside of our house, but here are our two "formal" photos (which show both of our faces clearly and appear "posed"), two of our candids (which show how "fun" we are), and one of the inside of our house. Every little thing that we get accomplished feels good!

Candid #1 (Thanks for taking this Cali Tara)

Candid #2 (Thanks to the complete stranger who took this one)

Formal #1 (I can't remember who took this one -- but thanks!)

Formal #2 (Thanks Rachel!)

Our home (Thanks me!)

If you think of it, just add my stress to your prayer list. I have begun having a bit of difficulty sleeping again. I am falling asleep fine, but when I wake up (which happened last night at 11:30pm when someone tried to send us a fax!?) I have trouble going back to sleep. I feel that all of this on my mind is adding to that. Oh, and don't forget little Sarah who is having surgery today as well. Thanks everyone!


Money, Money, Money
March 7, 2008


I really do try to avoid talking about the money associated with adoption as much as I can. At least, I try to avoid it outside of the confines of our living room and my private conversations with JB or very close friends or family. If I spend too much time dwelling on it, I find that it allows bits of bitterness to slither in and embed themselves into my thoughts. I just got off the phone with JB and he had to remind me not to ask the questions that were circling in my mind. "Why do we have to pay this? Why couldn't we get pregnant like everyone else? Why is life unfair? Why do people charge so much for paperwork?" etc. So instead, we try to just not think about it. We pay the money and move on. I know that once little XY and our China daughter gets here, we'll be so blessed that we had to pay for them.


However, we've reached that point in both of our adoption journeys when money is due. And it's due all at once. Last week, we sent a retainer fee to our lawyer in South Florida. He has told us that it is very possible some of this money will be returned to us as he sees this being a very simple adoption. In addition, the military will reimburse us for at least $2,000 of that money. That adoption, quite honestly, is not one that I am financially burdened by whatsoever. It will end up costing us a very minimal amount of money compared to other domestic adoptions. Health costs, room and board, counseling, etc. are all things that many people pay for their domestic children and we are not. We are only paying legal fees. This is solely due to Bri and her family not asking for these items. We are, to say the least, humbled by their generosity.


But the China adoption is a different story. The good news is that we could be a mere 2-3 weeks away from having our Dossier arrive in China!!! I can't believe we have finally reached this point. The bad news is, that it is time to pay to get that Dossier completed and sent to China. I just had no idea how much this would cost. Not only do we owe our 2nd of 3 payments to our own agency, we have to pay a translation fee, and pay for each document to be authenticated by the state, then the US, and then China. Each of these places charges per document. Florida charges $10 per document! The U.S. charges $8 I believe. China actually charges between $20 and $50 per document! I am not sure how many we have but it is somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-25. You can start to see how all of these costs are adding up. Needless to say, I had to call and tell JB it's going to be a pretty little penny. And then try to block it out of my mind.


Please don't take these comments as regrets. We have no regrets or concerns about either adoption. While we are often overwhelmed, we are unbelievably excited to meet our son and our daughter. I also do not doubt, for a second, that God will provide. We are unbelievably blessed to be able to afford adoption. So many couples dealing with infertility are unable to afford adoption or infertility treatments. I can't imagine the compounding frustration of this journey had we been in a different financial situation. When JB decided to become a physician, we had no idea how much that decision would impact our lives. However, I have no idea how we would have managed this if we were still in Kentucky and he was still a graphic designer.


I was also reminded today that infertility isn't something that necessarily goes away. I was reading my online friend Tara's "Plan B" blog. She was talking about their future with children. They are so blessed to be parents to their son Charlie through surrogacy, but the fact remains, they are still living with infertility. I realized, when I read her blog, that infertility doesn't go away. It gets better and hurts less and is covered up by love and special people (and dogs!). But it is still there. It isn't something that I have escaped from. I often wonder, if I will ever feel like I have escaped from its grasps. Will it ever not be something that crosses my mind during every conversation about childbearing and breast feeding and "trying for a girl", and "going off the pill"? I'm not sure. Once our sticky babies get a try at sticking, will I feel like I am free of its presence? Or will it always be something that defines me, not only negatively but positively as well?


Only time will tell. I'll be sure to let you know on the blog when I know for sure. Someday.


My First Baby Shower
May 13, 2008


I have spent the last four years avoiding baby showers. I figured out how to visit Target.com and send a gift without every stepping foot in a baby store. I've been very honest, explaining to the host that I was just unable to emotionally handle the event. I have been to a few, and even hosted two of them early in our infertility journey, but for the most part, I've steered clear fairly successfully.

During the last year of our infertility journey, I began to grieve the things that hurt so much about infertility. Early on, I refused to grieve, confident that I would get to do these things one day. But at some point, I had to allow myself to grieve the fact that I might not be able to do some of these things. As I have mentioned many times on this blog, I never gave up the hope that we would be parents. But I had to reach the step in my journey that I became okay with who I was and who we were as a couple, as we were. Childless. That was spiritual as much as emotional and physical. I had to be okay as the child of God that he made. Not the child of God that I wanted to be.

But grief about specific instances still abounded. Not being able to tell my parents they would be grandparents. Not being able to tell my husband we were pregnant. Finding out the sex of our baby. Saying, "It's time!" and rushing off to the hospital. Breast feeding. Belly patting. Baby showers. Visitors. Gifts. First birthday parties (complete with the strange tradition of allowing a child to smear cake every which way possible.) First steps. You get the idea.

When we decided to adopt from China, I was excited, but still sad that I would miss out on a whole year of our little girl's life, and thus, the opportunity to have some of those moments back. But I was okay with that. I came to accept the fact that I may never parent a newborn.

However, news of the May baby has changed all that. We have a bassinet in our nursery. A bassinet! A bassinet is for itty bitty babies! That means we are going to have an itty bitty baby! That, is so cool. We will be this child's parents from the moment he is born. What an amazing gift that is to get. What amazing people Chris and Bri are to let us have that.

Another exciting moment in this journey?! Baby showers! Initially, when Bri asked us to parent this child, I told everyone that baby showers could wait until after the final paperwork had been signed. However, as time went by and we realized Bri's decision to place this child with us was secure, I let this fear go a bit. We now have a half dozen showers that have been planned or are being planned for this little guy! How cool is that?

Sunday is our first shower! Matt and Tiffany are hosting a true Texan baby shower. Matt has rented a smoker and couples are invited to the party! This should be a great time. Unfortunately, the greatest picture taker ever, Joia, can't be there which means I may have to figure out another way to get some photos out of the event. :)

I am really excited about this shower and the two that will follow the first week of April in south Florida. As some of you know, my mom is hosting an open house, and Bri's side of the family is planning a "joint" shower to shower me with baby gifts and Bri with gifts for her new apartment! Some people have thought this was a bit "different," and I guess it is different, but you have to understand my relationship with Bri and Joan and her family to understand that this feels completely normal. Surreal. But normal. Our families have always been intimately linked. This child is just another step in that bond.

Anyways, I write this whole post to say what could have been said in just one sentence. I AM EXCITED ABOUT THIS BABY SHOWER! And glad to un-grieve one of my griefs. Baby shower. Cross that off the list! :)


Another Bump in the Road
March 14, 2008


I feel like crying.
Let me ask all you a question. What do you think the following statement means?
An authentication takes about 3-business days to process – please plan accordingly. Include a cover letter with contact name, daytime telephone number, the name and country where the document will be used, and a self-addressed, stamped envelope to return documents. Documents submitted without a return envelope and postage will be return regular delivery by the United State Postal Service to the person submitting the documents. Do you think this means you also need to include $10?! Do you see $10 written anywhere?!?!?!
I called North Carolina today to see how John's birth certificate was doing and why we hadn't gotten it back yet. They informed me that it has been sent back UNauthenticated because I didn't include $10! I went on the website and sure enough there is a section on fees but it is written in a DIFFERENT section way down the page from this.
I read this section THREE TIMES and even printed it out on my printer and included it with my mailing to make sure I didn't have to include a fee.
I know it's just a bump. No big deal. Get the document back and resend it. But it'll slow things down by another week and all in all, is just frustrating. I very politely told the woman she might want to have them edit the website because it was confusing. I know a week is no big deal in the grand scheme of things, but just when I thought we were getting close, we get backed up again. I'm also frustrated with myself because I could have done JB's birth certificate months ago and just put it off thinking I'd have plenty of time. Now, that's the only thing I am waiting on.
Thanks for listening . . .


My First Ever Baby Shower
March 17, 2008

A gift from Erik and Andrea -- a little towel wrap that JB decided to try on himself.

We are home from our first baby shower! What a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful evening. The best way to show the events is probably through photos so here we go.

The shower was at Matt and Tiff's house. They did an AMAZING job. Here is the appetizer table in Tiff's kitchen.

Tiff had a framed picture of our ultrasound as well as flowers and this adorable little bear! She also had a picture everyone can sign (I think I am going to take it to my other showers to get more people to sign it.)

Matt rented a smoker and cooked some AMAZING Texas bbq! Matt's Dad runs a bbq restaurant in Texas so this was a real treat. It's the first time I have ever had brisket! Yum! It also happened to be the most beautiful day ever. This was the best day here in Eglin since 2008 began. It was about 70 degrees with sunny skies and a gentle breeze. It was wonderful.

Matt and Tiffany got us our diaper bag filled with all kinds of fun goodies -- things that Tiff said I needed, but I would have never guessed that I did!

Michelle B. got us this "tummy time" gym. I have learned that tummy time is very important, especially to the seven family medicine physicians at our shower. It's nice having good advice and good medical advice at that!

"William Hawthorne" in all his glory. The William normally avoids getting dirty but today, he was all boy, complete with dirt, chocolate, a new bruise on chin, and an old bruise on forehead. Good practice for the little boy in our future.

Here we are with Zach (the birthday boy from yesterday) who wanted to help us open our presents. After we opened the first one, he got bored with the time it took us to look at each piece, and wandered away to play.

Madison proving that "girls can get dirty too." (Although Mom said if she knew how dirty she was, she wouldn't have been as happy-go-lucky!)

A gift from Erik and Andrea -- a dress outfit for the 2+ years. This outfit is so cute and looks just like something their son Johnathon would wear. TOOOO cute! Their other gift was the towel wrap shown in my introductory photo.

Sarah gave me a starter "non-disposable diaper" set. I plan to try this when little XY is a bit older. No promises that I'll be successful or stick with it, but I do want to try it a bit, just to save money and save our environment. So Sarah got me started with a few items. This was the coolest present! I loved it! She also made some burp clothes with sewn on insignias including a Dalmatian.

Erik and Andrea with their son Johnathon.

This picture of Sarah, Della, and Rob (with JB) cracks me up. Look at Della in the background!

Here is Shannon with little "Turbo" Nathan.

William before dirt and bruises and food set in.

Sarah and Della. Isn't that red hair great?

Tristan feeding Turbo.

Zachary saying cheese

I asked Joslyn to smile. She decided to smile right up close and personal like.

I can't talk about my shower without telling Bri that I love her and thank her. It's hard to put into words how having this shower made me feel today. First of all, I went for a long time thinking I would never have a baby shower. Then, I went for a long time thinking I would never have a shower for a newborn baby. When I opened a gift from Tristan & Shannon (tiny little newborn diapers) it really sunk in that little XY will be two days old when we get to take him home and be his forever parents.

I talked about Bri a lot tonight. I haven't seen her since January, and I know that a lot has changed for her. She is obviously more pregnant and as a result, even more uncomfortable. I am unable, truly unable, to put into words what her gift means to John and I. It is so surreal. JB jokes that we plan to "go to store, get gas, and pick up a baby" but that is how it feels. I am not pregnant so sometimes we forget that he is actually, really, truly, going to be coming to our home to live forever. But that wouldn't be the case without Brianna and Chris and their truly unselifsh gift. We are humbled by their maturity in the midst of such a difficult situation.

Thank you to everyone who came and "showered" us with such great food, fellowship, and gifts. How blessed we are -- especially considering this is only the first of many showers to come. Thank you all! John and I still can't believe that we opened gifts for our son. Wow!

Resent

March 17, 2008

I resent our paperwork to North Carolina. I actually have yet to receive the other document back yet, but remembered that we had ordered two birth certificates so I sent the second one. This time I included the infamous ten dollar check. The only other thing we have to do is get passport sized photos. After that, we are good to go. This error delayed us by two weeks. Oh well! I have decided to let this go reminding myself that our LID (log-in date) determines which child we bring home. I'll let God make that date whatever he wants. These adoptions are a great lesson in trust . . .

Blessed

March 19, 2008

Folks, our socks were blessed right off of us today! Seriously, they flew right smack off of us! You want to see why?!?!? Take a look at the three pictures below and the video. Man, Rachel, you are going to be sad you can't see this until after you get back from Mexico.

Yes folks, you saw that right. It's a real bonafide nursery. It brought with it the smells and wonders of another baby that has Scrubs going out of his mind!

As I wrote in a recent post, we were a little overwhelmed during the past few weeks when a lot of adoption money was owed at one time. The majority of this was for the China adoption, but it was still a whole lot of money at once. Now don't get me wrong. I am not complaining or saying we were in extreme need, but all of this money being due at once meant it would take us a little while to dig out, and we weren't going to have dug out by the time little XY arrived. We had basically consigned ourselves to the fact that his nursery furniture, unless given to us in a shower, would have to wait awhile. And we were okay with this. We had his bassinet and were okay waiting until the funds came in or until God provided.

I got a little disappointed after my shower the other night because I came home with all these wonderful things, but I had nowhere to put them. But again, I really wasn't worried about this. I truly knew God would provide at some point.

Then, last night, I got an email from a dear new friend. She and her husband have done adoption and understand the costs involved. Her youngest is getting ready to move into a "big girl" room, and she therefore, wanted to bless us with her nursery furniture. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?!!? By nursery furniture I mean crib, changing table, bookshelf, dresser, glider, wall hangings, lamp, and more!

We are so very excited that little XY will come home to a real, official nursery. I'm sure, quite honestly, he could care less, but we are thrilled beyond belief. I still have a lot to do to the room, but doesn't it look great?!

I may still paint the room or at least do some stenciling. Tiffany has volunteered to help me paint and Sarah to do stenciling. I wonder if they have any idea how creatively and design-ly challenged I am.

Wow -- a real nursery in my home. Get here soon little guy. Well, not too soon. I've got a lot more I want to do first.

More Bumps

March 20, 2008

If you could, would you pray for JB's birth certificate in North Carolina. To make a long story, (hopefully) shorter, the first document never did come back regular mail, even though the Dept. of State said that it did. Worried that it still hadn't come back, I sent a second copy of the certificate in on Monday. They still haven't received it. And I still haven't received my rejected one. This makes me concerned that the new one, once it gets there, won't come back either or that the old one won't get there. I called them today, was transferred no less than a dozen times, and finally found someone who could help me. She said they are closed for a long weekend (ugh!) but that it should get there soon, and that I can use a UPS number to get it sent back quicker. I found someone to let me borrow their UPS number so that is taken care of.

But what compounds this is an email I got today from our family coordinator. To make another long story, (hopefully) short, is something called the "Hague Convention." Apparently the Hague Convention for Intercountry Adoption will be ratified on April 1st , 2008. As of this date, USCIS (Immigration offices) will be implementing new forms in place for adoption cases in Hague Convention countries. Of which China is one. She said that we have to have our dossier in by May 1st or they will have trouble proving that we actually applied with USCIS before that date and we would instead need to reapply on new forms. I cannot imagine having to apply again with USCIS. Not only would it cost thousands more dollars, but this was what we had to go get fingerprinted for and so much more. It would be a horrendous problem.

Anyways, you can probably tell from my post that I am just royally stressed out by all of this. I am also kicking myself for not having taken care of this birth certificate earlier and not having sent it secured mail instead of regular mail.

So, your prayers, are appreciated. Big time prayers appreciated especially!

Bit of Bri

March 21, 2008

With all this China adoption stress . . . someone mentioned baby XY. Aaaaaahhh . . . a breath of fresh air. Yes, that is what I should be focusing on. Six weeks and five days. Can you believe it!? Bri, can you believe it?! With all the stress of China, there is the amazing comfort in knowing that in just six weeks and five days (or sooner?!) little XY will be joining our family.

I was cleaning out my picture boxes last night. I have some goals before XY gets here. One of those goals is to get all my photos organized so that I can start fresh when he joins the family and not still be "digging out." Anyways, I came across a few of about 1,000 photos I have of Bri when she was little.

Many of you have asked me what Chris and Bri look like and whether this baby will look like us. Both Bri and I are excited by the possibility that he very well may look a lot like JB and me. Not that it matters of course, but we were always planning on all our adoptions being international. I never really thought I would have a child that looked like me. But little XY very well may. I'm excited to think that early trips to the grocery store won't evoke adoption comments. It'll be fun for strangers to not second-guess who's child he is!

First of all, both Bri and Chris are pretty tall. I believe Bri is 5'9" and Chris is about 6'0". Did I get that right Bri? They are also both lighter skinned with lighter eyes and lighter hair. Well, at least, Bri's hair was lighter when she was little. She's now a solid brunette. (But so is JB!) I have blue eyes and JB has green so this is fun for us as well as little XY will have light eyes due to the Chris/Bri combo!

In addition, for those of you who knew Bri and I "from the beginning" you know that everyone, and I mean everyone thought that we were sisters. Everyone said we had uncanny resemblance. While I don't think we look that much alike today, I do think there are a lot of similarities when we were little. Here are a few photos. What do you think? (Oh and Huisman is my maiden name. That is Bri wearing my Bbball shirt! She was my biggest fan!)

I also found a photo of JB and Bri taken while I was away at college. Isn't this a cute photo? I think JB was about twelve here! Okay, not really. Actually, I think he was probably 18 or 19. Wow!

I also found a more recent picture of Bri. I think this was taken about two years ago. I just love this photo. I am enclosing this here so that we don't picture Bri as a little kid anymore. She is now 17, almost 18, and preparing to launch a new life for herself. I have loved this "kid" since she was born. It is amazing that now I will get to be a mom to her "kid."

Some of you have also asked about our birth "plan." We are currently making sure that we always have a phone, cell phone, or pager on us. As soon as we get word that Bri is ready to go, we are going to drive to Fort Lauderdale. We figure that we can probably get there faster making a 9.5 hour car drive then we can trying to find a flight, pay for a flight, and take a flight especially because flights out of Fort Walton Beach go through Atlanta if you want to get to Fort Lauderdale. It will also be cheaper as well. If little XY is healthy and everything goes well with the paperwork, we will be able to take him into our "custody" 48 hours after he is born. There are a few more steps until his adoption is finalized, the first of which occurs when he is 3 months old and the second when he is 1 year old. However, for all intents and purposes, 48 hours is our first step.

Now there, a post like this helps block out all the North Carolina birth certificate problems! I feel much better. Love you Bri!

Good News

March 21, 2008

Good news. The first North Carolina birth certificate came back to me today. Now, of course, this isn't certified; however, it means that the envelope successfully navigated its way back to the base. It also means that if anything were to happen to the current certificate, we have a back-up. Thank you for your prayers!

May Baby Doing Fine

March 25, 2008

I spoke with Bri's mom Joan yesterday. Bri had another appointment yesterday and little XY is doing great! (Bri and Joan have another nickname for him but that would give the name away so that'll have to wait until post-delivery. It's cute!) Heartbeat looks good, he looks good, and we are all just counting the days until he makes his grand entrance.

We are excited about our joint shower in less than two weeks. Next appointment in two weeks. ETA -- 6 weeks and 1 day!

Adoption Praises

March 26, 2008

When will I learn to completely give things to the Lord?!

They received the birth certificate in North Carolina, and it will be going out in the mail tomorrow! I've given them the UPS number so it should be here by Friday. This means our dossier should be in Washington D.C. by Monday.

We also got word that we are going to be able to get some adoption reimbursements from the military and Mayo for the May-baby adoption. Another bit of good news. :)

The other good news is that there is no snow storm here (even though they are expecting one in Rochester.)

How much better can it get?

At Long Last

This is the piece of paper that all the fuss was about. The UPS guy left it on our front mat this afternoon. (Good thing it wasn't raining -- he didn't seem to be too worried about its safe arrival.)

Anyways, this arrived at 3:30pm and by 4:30pm it was at Fed Ex! Barring us forgetting to include something in the package, this should be at American World Adoption Agency in Washington D.C. by Wednesday and hopefully in China within the next two to three weeks. HOORRRAAAAHHH!!!! America World still has to assure everything is correct and then take it to the Chinese Embassy and U.S. State Department for additional certification before it can make its way to China.

It is amazing that it took nine months of our life to compile the fourteen documents that made up our dossier. Nine months, a lot of tears, and a lot of yelling at the computer or the phone or the mailman (in my head!) Anyways, China, here we come!!!!!! (Well, not really, it's still years away, but at least the paper chase is completed.)

Bri & Chris

April 4, 2008

I got an email from Bri this morning. She included a few photos. One of them is of her and Chris. Here it is. Pretty good looking couple, don't you think? This was taken in Vermont awhile ago. I went to Vermont with Bri and Joan in high school and believe it is the most beautiful place in the U.S. in the summer time. (Wouldn't want to be there in the winter.) I haven't spoken about Chris much on the blog mainly because I do not know him very well and have never met him. I only know him through Bri (And yes, Chris and Bri are together today -- in answer to a question that some of you have asked me.) While I haven't met Chris, we are very grateful to his decision to place this child with us as well.
We are down to exactly five weeks until due date. I am also excited as I will get see Bri (and as a result, baby XY) this weekend. I am flying out on Friday for two baby showers: one on Saturday with Bri and her family and one on Sunday at my parents' house. I'm excited to get to see our family and enjoy celebrating our new arrival.

Please continue to pray for Bri as the delivery draws closer. Pray that it goes very smoothly and that she is as comfortable as possible. It's a scary time, and she has made this decision for no other reason but to give a child life and bless our lives. Pray that she has peace and comfort and stamina.


Shaking
April 2, 2008


This is hard for me to write. My hands are shaking a bit.


Fed-Ex cannot find a record of our adoption package. I'm sure this is an oversight and will be corrected but needless to say, please pray, wherever you are, right now, for that package to arrive in D.C.


The papers in that package are not replaceable.


I'll update you when I know more.


Dossier Details
April 3, 2008


Dossier: A collection of required documents presented in support of a petition to adopt a child overseas. It becomes the foreign country's paper representation of whom the adopting family is, and it is used to "approve" the family adopting a child from their country. The specific paperwork may vary from country to country.


As of today, April 3rd, 2008, our Dossier is . . . done. D-O-N-E. We are still shaking our head at the fact that the guy who was handling the mailing of our package decided to take the Fed-Ex envelope and stick it into a UPS envelope and then not tell us he did that. But, God was with it. And now, it is with Leah.


Leah, our family coordinator called me yesterday. Not only did she get our Dossier, but we had everything in it we needed. She said that most likely, it will be leaving for China on Wednesday of next week. We'll have a tracking number to watch its travel to Beijing.


We will get an email giving the names and contact information of other individuals from America World whose Dossier is going to China in the company of ours. I am assuming that those individuals become a "team" of sorts as we will most likely have the same or close to the same LID (log-in-date) and will possibly travel together to China. I gave Leah my permission to add us to the list. Leah informed me that we will have an April LID. The exact date is yet to be determined.


That date becomes especially important as you wait for your turn to come. As of last week, I believe they had processed all LID's in October of 2006. You therefore see how far behind they are. There are nearly 1.5 years of LID's in front of us in line. They are estimating the wait time at 27 months. However, the current trend is that the wait time will continue to rise every month (currently every one month that you wait, your wait time is estimate to go up about 1/2 to one full month.) If this trend were to continue, our wait time could be four years. We are not worrying ourselves with this. We continue to trust that the perfect daughter is out there, and we will let God lead our LID and the wait time.


This amount of wait indicates that it is nearly improbable that we will get to meet our China daughter before we leave Eglin AFB. This is sad for me. I have such wonderful friends here, and I would hate for them to not get to meet her. (And yes, she actually, already has a name -- unless our hearts change big time before then.) But again, let go. Let God.


Another item of note. If we are living overseas when our LID comes around, the adoption can still proceed although things will get a little more complicated. Our home study is one issue, but that can be worked out if we can find a licensed agency in the country we live in. Another one of those complications is the fact that we would need to fly into the U.S. after leaving China, first. So, for example, if we were living in Japan, we'd have to fly to China, pick up child, then fly to the U.S., then fly back to China. Some people choose to go to Hawaii in order to prevent coming all the way back to the U.S. Who knows what we will do by then. That's a long ways away.


Oh, and also, our agency will require an update to our home study upon the adoption of our little May Baby. (I was just thinking while in the shower. What if he is born in April? :) The good news is that they normally do this when the new addition is about six months old. At this point, it would be about time to update our home study for the China adoption as well. (That has to be done yearly for a nice little sum of money.) We found out this week that our current home study coordinator, has resigned. So we will have someone new. We are hoping she doesn't have to travel all the way from Orlando to help cut down the costs of her travel.


So. I think that is all there is to update you on. Now we wait to find out our LID. Most likely, we won't find out what the date is until later this summer. However, when we find out the date, it will most likely be a date in April.


As always, I'll keep you posted.


Bri/Wen Shower
April 5, 2008


I am home from a truly splendid afternoon. We spent from early morning until late afternoon at Roy & Joan's home celebrating the arrival of little XY with mucho gusto!!! I am not sure how many ladies were there today but would estimate about thirty. Most of these women were gals that I didn't know or had only met on one or two occasions. Most were friends or family of Joan or Bri. Bri's very special aunt -- Rita -- flew in California and surprised her last night. Joan's mom decided to extend her snow-bird visit a wee bit longer to stay for the shower. A few women were mutual friends of both families and a few came with the Kit. clan. One lady had actually never met Joan, Bri, or me. She was a friend of one of the women throwing the shower, had adopted a son years ago, and wanted to meet us and help celebrate! How cool is that?!


While I was a bit nervous when the shower started with all the new faces and unknowns, within about thirty minutes I came to realize that this was going to be a fantastic and blessed afternoon and an afternoon that I definitely needed. I truly cannot put into words how good it was, for everyone there, to be there. My mother and mother-in-law had the opportunity to talk to Bri and feel the baby. Bri was amazingly sweet and sensitive, hugging my mom and calling her "Grandma." Bri looked healthy and fantastic, glowing even, and ready to go at anytime! My family has not seen Bri much, if at all, since all this adoption talk started, and they were able to hear from Bri's own mouth, what I have been told all along -- that there is no doubt that little XY will grow up in our home after his birth.


All the ladies went around the room and spoke for a moment -- saying how they knew Bri or Joan or me. Bri and I each spoke as well, and I had the opportunity to tell my story publicly and share my thankfulness for what Bri (and Chris) was (were) doing. I felt, as I left this shower, that I was now, somehow, emotionally prepared for what was happening. That I had the permission of all of Bri's family and friends to raise their precious child. That Bri was anxious and ready to allow JB and myself to "take over". I also realized how many people have been praying for us during the last eight months. We and Bri have been in so many people's prayers and hearts during this exciting and difficult time.


I also had this amazing feeling that this was going to happen. There is Bri, quite pregnant, just weeks away from delivering, watching and oohing and aahing with me over the cute clothes and gifts. (We got a TON of things!) Everyone showered Bri in gift cards and pampering products, reminding her that while we are raising the child, she deserves just as much attention as John and me and XY. Here we are, together, getting ready to each change each other's life in an amazing way. Bri has always been "my little sister" but even if our contact with each other isn't constant, she will share a place in my heart that no one else ever will. I am so proud of her and so thankful for both she and Chris and the maturity to which she has handled this situation.


Joan and her sister Rita took a TON of pictures, and Bri has promised to try to send them to me as soon as possible. As soon as I get them, I will definitely post some -- probably before I return home to Eglin on Monday. I am going to get to see Bri one more time, on Monday morning, when I join her for another doctor's appointment and get to hear little XY's heart beat, one last time before I hold him in my arms.


Thank you to everyone who helped make this day happen. I know many of them have been following our story on this blog. This blog will now become a place that people who may never meet us again, will get to follow our son's life and watch him grow up in our arms. Rita reminded that he is not Bri's son and he is not our son. He is God's son, and we will all just get to borrow him for a short time.


And how exciting that time will be!


I love you Bri!


Bri/Wen Shower Pics
April 7, 2008


Well the open house has come to a close, and I am quite tired! I'll share more photos and updates about the open house tomorrow, but for now, I want to backtrack a bit and share some photos from the shower with Bri yesterday. Bri was able to send me a few photos from yesterday's shower. I will try to get some more later and post them but for now, for all you picture-obsessed people, here you go!

I have no idea why the picture above is so small, but it's the best I can do. This is a "family photo." From the back left is Joan, Bri's grandma, Bri's Aunt Rita, Bri, and my mom. In the front is me and my mother-in-law, Mary. (Oh and the "puppy" is Andre Agassi aka "The Urinator.")

Here we are prior to gift opening. The chair Bri is sitting in has been a part of Joan's home for more than thirty years -- since before I was born. And it's as comfy as ever! That's Joan in the middle. I have no idea what she is doing! :)

And here is Bri and me! Four weeks and counting . . .

Home Sweet Home Comes with a Surprise

April 8, 2008

I had a fabulous flight yesterday -- completely the opposite of my travel day a few days earlier. I was given exit row on both flights and actually arrived early.


I arrived home to a very excited puppy and a painted and decorated nursery. We haven't painted any rooms in our home here in Eglin, but JB had painted the nursery! He had also framed a few pieces of art, hung the mirror, and put our bedding on. The room looks awesome!


I'll post some pictures soon but just take my word for it. What an amazing husband I have!


I am, unbelievably tired after only getting 4-6 hours of aleep a night and two midnight arrivals on my travel days. Hopefully I can nap some today.

April 8, 2008