Eagerly Expecting

By Christy Neueman

The wait had begun. We had completed a mountain of paperwork, attended all the classes, met repeatedly with our adoption specialist, finalized our Home Study, and our home was completely baby-proofed from top to bottom. We were finally, officially on the wait list to adopt a child.

My husband and I were eagerly expecting "the call" that would change our lives forever. We were awaiting God's answer to our prayers for the child we had prayed for endlessly over the years. And I yearned to echo hannah's words from 1 Sam 1:27, where she says, "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him."

Do you remember that famous line from the ketchup commercial that said, "The taste that's worth the wait"? Carly Simon's song "Anticipation" is what brought this well-know saying to life.

Anticipation is the perfect word to express exactly what I felt during my wait. i could almost taste the sweet blessing of motherhood. I imagined holding my precious baby in my arms and finally humming all those unsung lullabies.

Looking back, some days I honestly doubted my journey would ever end ... and then other days, it felt like the end of my adoption journey was as close as the heart beating within my chest.

Regardless of my fickle emotions, God was teaching me how to wait in hopeful anticipation -- and the verses from Romans 8:23, 25 came alive to me in a whole new way: "Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies ... But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

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Don't believe in infertility treatments? Maybe I don't either.

I have many friends who don't believe in infertility treatments.

Most of these friends are Catholic.

To be clear, I am a protestant. However, I believe that Catholics and Protestants are Christians. We do, however, share dissimilar views on a few topics -- infertility treatments being one of the leading ones. (Click here to read the Catholic Church's stance on infertility treatments.)

Some of you may not be aware that one of my very dearest friends in the whole wide world is actually a nun! I wrote about Kelsey on the blog previously and the two incredible acts of providence that occurred coupled with her in my life. Kelsey and I share different viewpoints on the topic of infertility treatments; however, despite that, she is the spiritual godmother for all of my children -- including the one conceived via IVF.

What some people might not be aware of is the fact that protestants are also held to moral obligations when it comes to IVF. I wrote a blog post detailing some of these debates. In this blog post, I discussed how JB and I aligned ourselves with two other protestant organizations in an attempt to keep ourselves "in check" when it came to what treatments were okay and how far ethically we should take things in the quest for a family.

I know I have a lot of Catholics who read my blog, and to each of you who do not believe in infertility treatments I want to say ...

... maybe I don't either.

What I mean by that is, I do not have the answers. I do not know if what we did was ethically responsible. I look at Hannah, conceived via IVF, and have to believe that the Lord destined her for life on this planet.

However, infertility treatments are racked with moral dilemmas at every turn. Whenever someone asks me what I think they should do when it comes to infertility, I say the same thing. "If your heart, in any way, can skip the treatment journey ... SKIP IT!"

In other words, "If you are able to fast forward pass all the drugs and money and tests and shots that do not promise anything ... DO IT!"

And do what?

Adopt.

The moment I adopted Isaac, I knew, in the deepest recesses of my heart, that were he the only child that ever graced our home, HE WOULD BE ENOUGH.

Would I always grieve not carrying a child in my womb?

Yes.

But the grief was so muted by the loved I had for Isaac. I say often that had I never had a biological child, I would have been at a place of 90% peace.

And I could live at 90% peace.

Infertility and the pains of wanting a family that is not coming to be, leaves you at a place of such pain. Baby showers, baptisms, Mother's Day, holidays, Church ... all of them hurt.

But with Isaac in my arms, that pain was dulled so incredibly. While all of those events could still prick my heart, the prick only stung a bit. The prick no longer bled and tore at my heart.

I have many friends undergoing infertility treatments right now. I understand where they are. If they feel that is the direction the need to go, I completely support them.

I also do not want to say, in any way, that adoption is the answer for everyone. It is not for everyone. And it does not cure the pain of infertility.

But I want to promise all of you reading this ... if your heart ever tells you that it is time to go to adoption ... whether that be before or after infertility treatments, I want you to know that you heart can find peace in the eyes of that infant just as if they were born of your womb.

Adoption is an option.

And it's a great one.

Flashing back to our adoption day

Quite a few people sent me a link to this video about a couple who adopts a son after nine years of infertility. It caused me to wee-wind to our own adoption of Isaac over five years ago.

While my husband and I, obviously, aren't Asian, I found this couple to be incredibly similar to us. In fact, going and getting their son reminded me a lot of how we went to get Isaac.

We got the call that Isaac was on his way at about 1pm. By 3pm we were on the road to make the ten hour drive from Eglin Air Force Base to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Halfway there, we got a phone call. It was Isaac's birthmom Bri. She used the words, and I'll never forget them, "You have a son." It was the first time I had ever heard anyone else say out loud, that I had a child.

We walked into the hospital at night, just like this couple, hours after his birth. They carried an empty car seat. So symbolic of this infertility journey we both travelled.

And then, the moment we got to see our son for the very first time. They found words. I really don't have any.

Support Others

Here is a link to a fantastic resource which provides you with information on how to support and stand alongside people who are adopting. 

Free Adoption Resource

 

Adoptive families of all kinds can benefit from the support of their church, family, and community. Will you be a part of the support network for an adoptive family you know?

Take the pledge today and commit to serving an adoptive family. You'll receive a free download of the booklet, "Wrapping around Adoptive Families," with practical advice and ideas on how to help. Invite others to join you, and make serving an adoptive family a fun part of your day!

Click here to download your booklet today!

Stacy's Story

Stacy,

like me,

waited longer than she had planned.

And God,

blessed her,

like me,

in ways beyond her wildest dreams.

This photo echoed

the feelings I had when I met our Isaac.

I would do it again.

Wait that long.

It was worth every single painful minute,

to be able to be his mom.

I love you Isaac.

P.S. (Click the picutre to go to Stacy's blog, from which I "borrowed" this picture.)